The Wind Wanker, By rylasasin2003
by The Medlink Federation
Summary: Under new management. Parody of wind waker. Link x Medli (as is any fanfic hosted by me).
1. It begins

This Story is hosted by medlink Federation. It was Created by rylasasin2003.  
  
The Legend of zleda:The Wind Wanker  
  
Disclamer: I no own Zelda! I no Own Metroid either (Yes a few characters come and make an appearance here too, and I do not own Starfox.  
  
The intro:  
  
Blah Blah Blah Golden Power Blah Blah Blah Ancient kingdom Blah Blah Gannon Took Golden POS and almost killed everybody until the Hero of Wasted Time came and pwned his ass etc etc. Peace Blah Blah Blah Gannon escaped and the kingdom died Blah Blah Blah no one knows (Nor gives a fucking crap) about what happened to the goddamn Ancient kingdom.  
  
(On Outshit Island.)  
  
Aryll: Big Brother!  
  
(Aryll Goes up the ladder up the lookout post)  
  
(Aryll looks through telescope.)  
  
(Link continues sleeping.)  
  
(Aryll magically transforms into R. Lee. Ermey)  
  
R. Lee. Ermey: WAKE UP MAGGOT!!!!!!!  
  
(Link wakes up.)  
  
(Aryll goes back to Aryll)  
  
Link: WTF is with the Rlee Ermey shit?  
  
Aryll: I knew you'd be here, its because you're such a dumbass. Haven't you ever heard of a Fucking bed?  
  
Link: Fuck you.  
  
Aryll: Mafaka. Do remember what day it is today asshole?  
  
Link: the day flying purple pokadoted monkeys came and ate your Peanut Cheese bars?   
  
Aryll: You're still half asleep, aren't you? Did you  
  
forget? it's your godforsaken birthday, even though that's not saying much.  
  
Link: we were doing whatwhat and whatwhat?  
  
Aryll: Just get in the fucking house...  
  
(Inside Grandma's House.)  
  
Grandma: I've been waiting for you, Link. Link, try these on.   
  
Link: Hell no.  
  
Grandma: TRY THEM ON!!!!  
  
Link: NO!!!!!  
  
Grandma: YES!!!!  
  
Link: NO!!!  
  
Grandma: YES!!!!  
  
Link: NO!!!  
  
Grandma: YES!!!!  
  
Link: NO!!!  
  
Grandma: YES!!!!  
  
Link: NO!!!  
  
Grandma: YES!!!!  
  
Link: NO!!!  
  
Grandma: YES!!!!  
  
Link: NO!!!  
  
Grandma: ARYLL!!!!!  
  
(Rushes into the house)  
  
Aryll: yes master?  
  
Grandma: Hold him down while I get this gayass cloths on him.  
  
Aryll: yes master.  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *Gets double-teamed as grandma forces the Gay-Looking tunic on link*  
  
.  
  
???: You got the Hero's Clothes! They look like they might be a little warm for this weather.  
  
Grandma, Link, Aryll: WTF was that?  
  
Grandma: link stop looking like your gonna cry or I'll beat the hell outta you.   
  
(At Aryll's Lookout.)  
  
Link: Umm... WTF? How did you get here before me?!  
  
Aryll: Plothole.  
  
(Suddenly another plothole opens up by the mailbox and a badass dragon and a multicolor mask flew out of it... the mask we all know is MAJORAS MASK!!! AAAAGH!!!)  
  
Majora's mask: CONSUME! I WILL CONSUME!!! I WILL CONSUME EVERYTHING BY BEING ANNOYING AND ASKING PEOPLE IF I CAN KILL THEM!!!!!  
  
Link, Aryll: Oooooooookay then...  
  
Aryll: HAHAHAHAHA link you look like a tard.  
  
Link: Shut up.  
  
Aryll: make me.  
  
(Link beats up aryll and takes her telescope)  
  
Naration: You got the Telescope! This is your sister's most precious  
  
belonging. Junk it like the totally worthless junk it is.   
  
(Link looks at the postman who is trying to stuff majoras mask into links mailbox)  
  
link: (thinking to himself) what a motherfucker.  
  
Aryll: YOU FUCKER!!!! YOU TOOK MY- WTH?   
  
(Link sees a bird holding girl.)  
  
(Link sees a pirate ship firing cannonballs.)  
  
(A cannonball hits the bird.)  
  
(The bird drops girl into the forest.)  
  
(Link sees a very scary and very big... thing... in his telecope)  
  
Link: AHHHH! What the Hell is this thing?  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi, cin I keeeeel yoou?  
  
Link&Aryll: NO!!!!  
  
Majora's Mask: You suck. *Flys off*  
  
Aryll: that was weird. Well what ya waiting for ya dumbfucker? Go up there and try to save her so you die and I can sell your stuff, fucker.  
  
(Inside Orca's house.)  
  
Orca: LINK! Your not getting a sword.  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! WHY?!  
  
Orca: Because you suck, I suck, this story sucks, Tetra sux, That big ugly multicolor mask behind you sucks... (continues to say name things and says they suck)  
  
Link: uhhhhh ok then... shit I guess I have to look somewhere else then. Fuck. (storms out of hut)  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi, cin I keeeeel yoou?  
  
Orca: YES!!! KILL ME!   
  
Majora's Mask: YAYE!!!!  
  
Orca: GET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING HELLHOLE!!! I WANT OUT!!!!!  
  
(Outside Orca's house)  
  
(Orca's house blows up)  
  
Link: HOLY CRAP!!!!! Well, maybe If I'm lucky I'll find a sword.  
  
(link digs through the wreckage of orca's house and finds a sword and goes to the forest just so his sister will shut up)  
  
(In Forest of Fairies.)  
  
(Link sees Tetra hanging on a tree branch.)  
  
Bokoblin: Yeeearg!!!!  
  
(Link stabs the bokoblin)  
  
Bokoblin: Fuck you. *dies*  
  
(two more Bokoblins come in... link prepares to kill them but then guess who pops up?)  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi, cin I keeeeel yoou?  
  
Bokoblin1: Yeeearg!!!!  
  
Bokoblin2: Yeeearg!!!!  
  
Majora's Mask: YAYE!!!!  
  
Link: *remembers orca's house* OH SHIT!!!! *runs*  
  
(Majora's mask blows up, and link just barely makes it out of the blast.  
  
(In front of the tree Tetra is hanging on.)  
  
(Tetra falls from tree branch.)  
  
Tetra: OWWWCH!   
  
Link: HAHA!!!  
  
Tetra: Wow, what's with the Ghey getup?   
  
Link: STFU!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tetra: So, where am I? SAY SOMETHING YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!!  
  
Link: ummm...   
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keeel you?  
  
Tetra: No!(Beats link to a pulp)  
  
Link: What the hell was that for???!!!!  
  
Tetra: for no apparent reason other than I'm a complete bitch with nothing better to do.  
  
(Gonzo enters Forest of Fairies.)  
  
Gonzo: Miss Tetra!  
  
Gonzo: Oh, oh, oh oh!! Thank goodness you're safe. When I saw you get dropped  
  
on the summit, I thought for sure you'd..  
  
Tetra: Summit? So, that bird dropped me off on top of a mountain? Well, wasn't that nice of it? Well, don't just stand there. Let's go! Time to repay that debt to our bird in full.  
  
Gonzo: Ummm How much we owe it?  
  
Tetra: $1,000,000,000,000   
  
Gonzo: HOLY CRAP!!!  
  
Tetra: Sad isn't it?  
  
Gonzo: I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD NOT HAVE BET $1,000,000,000,000 THAT MAJORAS MASK COULD SAY SOMETHING BESIDES "Hi! Can I keel you?!"  
  
Tetra: Shut up. God you and your carefulness crap. Lets just get outta this dumbfucked place.  
  
Gonzo: But Miss what about this boy?  
  
Tetra: Don't worry about him. Come on.  
  
(Link leaves Forest of Fairies.)  
  
Aryll: 'Hoy, Big Brother!!  
  
(Aryll waves.)  
  
(Link waves back.)  
  
(Aryll starts to cross bridge.)  
  
(The bird swoops down and almost grabs her but misses.)  
  
Aryll: Dumbass.  
  
???: YOU ARE A DISCRACE YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!  
  
Hemilac king: SQUAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! (WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!)  
  
(Badass dragon pops out of-)  
  
Badass dragon: HEY I HAVE A NAME YA KNOW!!!!! HAVEN'T ANY OF YOU PLAYED METROID PRIME OR ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link: uhhhh no... *Gets beaten again* GODDAMMIT!!!!! STOP THE UNNECCESSARY PAIN OR I'LL GO ON STRIKE!!!  
  
Hemilac king: SQUACK SQUAAACK!!!??? (META RIDLEY!!!???)  
  
Meta Ridley: Yep. And now I must take your place as the Unneccesarily huge and perverted motherfucking thing that kidnaps little girls and takes them to fucked up fortress!!!! *Uses his missile attack and kills the Hemilac king.*  
  
Meta Ridley: Ok now where was I? Ah yes... the fatass bird kidnap retake.  
  
(Flys over bridge and kidnaps Ayrll)  
  
Aryll: FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!  
  
(Link wants to start running after her and fall off the cliff, but can't because Meta Ridley beat him up and therefore he can't go anywhere.)  
  
Tetra: Tard.  
  
(Meta Ridley flies away.)  
  
(On the beach of Outshit Island.)  
  
Tetra: What? You want to come with us on our ship?  
  
(Link nods head.)  
  
Tetra: Do you understand what you're asking? We're pirates. You know pirates,  
  
the terrors of the sea.  
  
Majora's Mask: You guys don't scare me.  
  
What do we get out of bringing some helpless little kid  
  
along with us?   
  
Majora's Mask:'Scuse me, HELPLESS? He fucking beat me in MM!!!  
  
Link: ummm...  
  
Link: 1. that was not me. That was the other link (there are 4 links, the OOT/MM link, Me, the LTTP link, and the original Zelda link.)  
  
Link: 2. He had the fierce diety mask.  
  
Majora's Mask: Yeah whatever.  
  
Tetra: I'll tell what we'll get...A headache! I know how you must feel  
  
with your sister being kidnapped and all.  
  
Link: Actually I'm pretty happy about it.   
  
Tetra: good. Now go away and shut the fuck up.  
  
Link: You see... All I really wanna do is get away from my grandma and the mask.  
  
Majora's Mask: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You cannot stop being annoyed by me!!! Unless you go to Fucked Up fortess or something... btw...  
  
Tetra: Whats so bad about hi-  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi, cin I keeeeel yoou?  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi, cin I keeeeel yoou?  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi, cin I keeeeel yoou?  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi, cin I keeeeel yoou?  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi, cin I keeeeel yoou?  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi, cin I keeeeel yoou?  
  
Tetra: I see your point... come on people! Lets get out of here before this mad mask drives us all fucking insane. 


	2. Fucked up Fortress

I no own Zelda. I no own Metroid, I no own Starfox etc etc etc.  
  
Thanx to some of the few reviewers I did receive:  
  
Elementalwarriorkellis: The swearing will die down a bit (not totally mind you)  
  
(on the deck of tetra's Dinghy)  
  
Tetra: Hey, Link, we've reached the Fucked Up Fortress. Hurry and get up here.  
  
(On the deck of the Dinghy.)  
  
Tetra: Hey Link. Here I am. Up here.  
  
Tetra: What were you doing with Niko? Don't tell me you were playing some  
  
stupid game for treasure, were you?   
  
Link: Who's Niko?  
  
(Tetra beats link again)  
  
Link: MAKE THE HURTTING STOP!!!  
  
Tetra: Well, whatever. There's something you need  
  
to see. Have a look over there. That's the cursed isle known as Fucked Up Fortress.  
  
(View of Fucked Up Fortress.)  
  
Tetra: blah blah blah blah blah blah security blah what do we do now?  
  
Majora's Mask: Ummm put him in a fucking barrel?  
  
Tetra: Good idea mon.  
  
(Link is placed inside barrel.)  
  
Tetra: Yes, struggle. If you really want to get into a dangerous place  
  
like that, this is the most dangerous way to do it. Trust me. We pirates do this all the  
  
time.   
  
Link: What? You do act like yomammabinladen wannabes?  
  
Tetra: *slaps link*  
  
Link: Why you keep doing that?  
  
Tetra: Because I hate you.  
  
Majora's Mask: well that pretty much eliminates tetra/link pairings for this fic. *Thinking* not that it matters, I'll take care of it later anyways.  
  
Tetra: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!  
  
Tetra: We're gonna launch you good.   
  
Majora's Mask: SICK!!!  
  
Tetra: Shut up.  
  
3..2..1...  
  
(Link flies from catapult and into Fucked Up Fortress.)  
  
(Link falls into the water inside Fucked Up Fortress.)  
  
(Inside Fucked Up Fortress.)  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Can I keel you?  
  
Link: NO!!!  
  
Majora's Mask: You suck.  
  
Link: Hey I thought you said that if I went here I could not be annoyed by you.  
  
Majora's Mask: I lied ya dumbfuck!!!  
  
Moblin: HALT!  
  
Link: (Puts hands in air like an idiot.)  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Can I keel you?  
  
Moblin: no, but you can kill him (points to link)  
  
Link: no kill Him!!! (Points to moblin)  
  
Moblin: No kill him!!!! (Points to link)  
  
Link: KILL HIM!!!!  
  
Moblin: KILL HIM!!!  
  
Link: KILL HIM!!!!  
  
Moblin: KILL HIM!!!  
  
Link :NO KILL HIM!!!!  
  
Moblin: HIM!!!  
  
Link: NO HIM!!!!  
  
Moblin: KILL HIM!!!  
  
Link: KILL THE OTHER GUY!!!  
  
Moblin: NO HIM!!!  
  
Majora's mask: fuck this...  
  
(Majora's mask blows up like an atomic bomb, sending link flying all the way to windfall island  
  
(Link floats around the ocean.)  
  
(A boat takes Link out of the water.)  
  
King of Red Lions: Link! Link! Wake up, Link! Pull yourself together, Link!  
  
(Link wakes up inside of boat.)  
  
King of Red Lions: You're a complete dumbass.  
  
(Link falls back in surprise.)  
  
King of Red Lions: Did I startle you? I suppose that's only natural. As retarded as this fic is, I'm the only boat in it who can speak the words of men. I'm the  
  
King of the Red Lions. Do not fear. I am not your enemy unless you're a Flying Purple Pokadot Monkey that ate Link's sister's Peanut Cheese bars. Blah blah blah Meta Ridley Blah Aryll blah Fucked Up Fortress...  
  
Link: Hold the Phone!!! Majora's mask blew It up ya dumbass!!  
  
King of Red Lions: Blah blah blah PLOTHOLE blah blah blah gannon blah blah blah great sea Blah blah blah BUY ME A SAIL FOR 80,000,000 rupees!!!!  
  
Link: WHAT?! 80,000,000 rupees just for one fucking sail?!  
  
King of Red Lins: yep. Now buy me my sail, slave!  
  
Link: Fuck you, I'll just reach into my little grab bag and see what comes up...  
  
(Link Reaches into a plot hole and takes out... a monster truck (gravedigger in case your wondering)  
  
Link: nope, where is it?!  
  
(Link throws it and it accidently lands on top of K.O.R.L sinking "Him". He continues to dig around till he pulls out a sail)  
  
Link: AHH- Hey, where the hell is the boat? Ah well.  
  
(Digs around in plothole till he pulls out an arwing)  
  
Link: Not what I was I was looking for, but it'll do.  
  
???? (Arwing):well now that that's solved, go to Faggot Root Island.  
  
Link: WTF?!  
  
???? (Arwing): LOL... I'm the king of red lions again... but I've reincarnated as this ARWING. So call me the KING OF RED ARWINGS.  
  
Link:Okaaaaaaaaaaayy then...  
  
King of Red Arwings: now hurry your ass up and get in the plane.  
  
(they go through a starfox type battle shooting a bunch of stuff.)  
  
Next time on Zelda: The wind Wanker:  
  
Quill is on crack, Link and Medli Meet for the first time, and tetra wants peanut cheese bars.  
  
Sort I know... The next chapter will be longer I promise you, longer than this long-assed message. 


	3. Faggot roost island and it's boss's stup...

The Legend of Zelda:The Wind Wanker  
  
Chapter 3: Faggot Roost Island and... flaggara's stupidity  
  
Disclamer: I no own Zelda! I no Own Metroid either (Yes a few characters come and make an appearance here too, and I do not own Starfox.  
  
(On Faggot Roost Island.)  
  
(Link learns the Winds gods highly overused Direction Melody)  
  
Yep, that's a Crappy breeze. The name's Zephos. Kill my Brother for me will ya? Bye!(flies away)  
  
Majora's mask: Did somebody say "Kill?!"  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! (Runs like a jerk and climbs up to where quill is without using any of the paths, he just climbs straight up the mountain  
  
(On Faggot Roost Island.)  
  
Quill: (is Smoking what appears to be a pipe) WHAO! THIS IS GOOD SHITZ MAN!!! Oh baby the waters turning PURPLE! Dance Motherfucker, dance!!!! HEY LINK!!!! I NEED A BATH!!!  
  
Link: (Coughing) I'll agree with that last thing ya sa-  
  
Quill: AH HELP ME! THE METROIDS ARE COMING!!!!   
  
Link: Where? I don't see any...  
  
(Quill flies away but runs into Majora's Mask.)  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi, cin I keeeeel yoou?   
  
Quill: YEEEAH BABY!!!! MEDLI GOTTA-  
  
(Majora's Mask Turns into Scorpion from mortal combat (NO I DO NOT OWN THAT EITHER!!!) and does the "Take off the hood to reveal a skull and torch the victim" fatality.)  
  
Link: Good riddance. By the way... Just what the fuck is a metroid?! Ah well...  
  
(Continues up mountain)  
  
(On Faggot Roost Island.)  
  
Chieftain: so you are Link are you? Quill has told me all about you, before Medli got Plastic surgery to take the beak off and replace it with a hylian nose, causing Quill to go on crack.  
  
Link: I knew that stuff smelled familiar...  
  
Chieftain: A troubling tale  
  
indeed.   
  
Link: Ah well he was annoying anyway.  
  
Chieftain: Blah blah blah blah  
  
Link: (thinking) oh shit he has the same talking disease as the King of red Arwings.  
  
Chieftain: Blah blah blah Fuckyou Blah Blah blah Komali blah blah blah Medli's got the letter blah blah blah.  
  
Link: ENOUGH!!!!!  
  
Chieftain: .......  
  
Link: Just shut up already!!!!!  
  
(Chieftain punches link for telling him to shut up.)  
  
Link: ...oww...  
  
(Link recovers himself and goes to medli's room)  
  
Medli: wow... you really DO have a green Tunic and a nice hat to go with it (thinking) GEEZ IS HE HOT!!! Too bad he'll never like me cause I'm a bird... DAMN YOU TETRA!!!  
  
Meldi:Oh, me? I'm an attendant of the great sky spirit, Fuckyou...  
  
Link: -__-  
  
Medli: I know what your thinking. Beleve me its fooled more than one guy. "Fuckyou" is our skygods name.  
  
Link: Oh... I see... (Thinking) HAHAHAHAHA!!! WHAT A FUCKING RETARDED NAME!!! FUCKYOU!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ^_^.  
  
Medli: My name is Medli.   
  
Link: pleased to meet you. (Thinking, while Medli continues to talk about how she's Fuckyou's attendant) wow, she's hot... well for a bird anyway...   
  
Medli: -Oh, what am I thinking? Here, this is from the chieftain.  
  
Link, he wants you to give this directly to Prince Komali.  
  
Narration: *Dead*  
  
Medli: The room way in the back on the first floor is Prince Komali's room. You  
  
have to go down a couple steps to get there. When you meet Prince Komali,  
  
please don't get offended by his manner. He has no bad intentions. I promise.  
  
By the way..Um..Listen. Link, I have a small favor I'd like to ask of you.  
  
Could you please come to the entrance of Faggot Roost Cavern later? I'll  
  
explain everything then.  
  
Link: Uhhhh... gee let me think... uhh... sure.  
  
Medli: oh thank you!  
  
(In Prince Komali's room at Faggot Roost Island.)  
  
Link: Here have this letter. Its from your Father (cringes at thought of seeing him again)  
  
Prince Komali: A letter from my father? Oh, sure. Blah blah blah blah...  
  
Link: DOES EVERYONE HERE HAVE BLAH BLAH DISEASE!!!  
  
Prince Komali:yep.. now I will continue to annoy you-  
  
Link: I don't think so. (Reaches into plot hole and gets a syringe full of bird tranquilizer)  
  
Prince Komali: oh shi-(Is muffled by link as he tranquilizes Komali, Komali struggles wounding link in the face in the process.)  
  
(In front of Faggot Roost Cavern.)  
  
Medli: Hey, you actually came. I'm really sorry for bringing you to such a  
  
dangerous place. I had to. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't need help  
  
desperately. You see, this place use to be a spring here surrounded by a  
  
beautiful pond. It was beautiful and lovely. But, then the great Fuckyou he  
  
became so annoyed by the toxicity of this fic that he got mad and in his rage he shook the mountain and this boulder crashed  
  
down plugging the spring. You can see the result.   
  
Link: (Thinking...) Holy crap... she's the first big talker I met who doesn't have blah blah disease!!  
  
Medli: Tell me, how is Prince Komali?   
  
Link: Not good at all... you're wrong when you said he doesn't have bad intentions... look at my face...  
  
Medli: O_O Here let me fix that... (puts a band-aid on the wound)   
  
Link: Hey thanx  
  
Medli: ^_^ as I was saying... I may be partially to blame for the bad turn that Prince Komali's taken.  
  
Link: What are you? Darth vader or something? (Thinking) NO NO YOU GODDAMN FOOL!!! NOW SHE'LL HATE-  
  
Medli: Hehehe, Darth Vader... ^_^ Funny one. But seriously no. You see, Prince Komali's grandmother was the great Fuckyou's former attendant.  
  
She was an amazing woman. I was honored to -   
  
Link: (Thinking) weiw! That was a close one.  
  
Medli: Link, I'm  
  
sorry to ask this but I need your help. I want to go to the small shrine that  
  
is near the peak of Faggot Roost. That ledge over there is so high. If I could  
  
get some wind under my wings, I'm sure I could get up there. So, will you help  
  
me?  
  
Link: suuuuure  
  
Medli: Whew! Thank you so much! Pick me up, then face that ledge and  
  
toss me. The atmospheric currents are really messed up so you'll have to pay close attention-  
  
Link: (Uses the "wind god's highly overused direction melody" to make wind go north...)  
  
Medli: or, maybe not...  
  
All right, I'm ready. Don't hold back now. Throw  
  
me as hard as you can!  
  
(Link picks up and throws Medli successfully onto the ledge.)  
  
Medli: Oh! Thank you! I think now I'll be able to climb Faggot Roost and meet  
  
with the great Fuckyou. Don't worry. I'll be fine. I may just be an apprentice  
  
attendant, but I can understand some of the great Fuckyou's language.  
  
(Medli thinking: I may not be bursting with Excitement of hearing his massive vocabulary of vulgar bullshit but..)  
  
Medli: Look, if anything happens to me, please look after Prince Komali. This  
  
is all I have to give to you. I know it's not much, so please take it.  
  
Medli: Oh, and please don't tell anyone that I'm climbing Faggot Roost. It will  
  
be our secret, OK? Well, good luck..to both of us.  
  
Link: well better sit and wait...  
  
1 Day later..  
  
(Guess-who Appears )  
  
Majora's Mask: LINK!!!! WHAT ARE YOU A FUCKIN MORON?!  
  
Link:?!!??!?!?!?!?!?  
  
Link: Whadda fucking mean?  
  
Majora's Mask: dude, she's been gone for a day, and your just FUCKING STANDIN HERE LIKE SHE'S JUST GONNA APPEAR IN FRONT OF YA AND KISS YA?  
  
Link: umm... well to be-  
  
Majora's Mask: GET YOUR ASS UP THERE!!!!  
  
Link: HOW?! THERE's NO WAY UP THERE!!!  
  
Majora's Mask: well maybe this'll help. (gets on ground underneath link and Blows up, sending link flying like a sonofabitch)  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!   
  
(Link lands right on top of Faggot Roost just outside the Prison Area)  
  
Link: OOOOW!!!! That FUCKING BASTARD!!! Note to self: When get back down, Kill that fucking-  
  
(Link Is cut short as he hears a Scream, he looks into the prison area to see... 30 enemies, including Two bobokins trying to tie a now-nude Medli to the prison Bars.)  
  
Link: oh shit!!!! there must be like about 30 guys in there and... (gets hit in the head with a small, egg-shaped object) ow! Wtf... "Mega grenade... use when facing 29+ enemies and you do not have time for bullshit. To operate press button and throw." Easy enough. (Pushes button and throws grenade...)  
  
(Grenade takes out 28 of the guys... all of those NOT in the cell)  
  
(Link takes out sword and runs into the arena)  
  
Link: OK EVERBODY OUT!!! STEP AWAY FROM THE GIRL AND NO ONE GETS HURT!!!  
  
Bobokin 1: (Screams like a pansy and climps up the walls and jumps over the edge of the volcano)  
  
Link: And what about you, Shitforbrains?  
  
Bobokin 2: drop the sword and I'll kick your ass!!  
  
(Bobokin 2 throws a punch, but misses, link throws one and hits, but gets hit by bobokin2, who dodges links counter attack. Bobokin 2 hits link AGAIN, link fights back and lands a kick to the stomach, and just as both sides started to look pretty beat up (link more than Bobokin 2) guess-who shows up.)  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi Cin I- (Gets grabed by link) WHAT THE HELL?!  
  
(Link Brings the spiked part of Majora's Mask down on top of Bobokin 2's head, causeing it to split open.)  
  
Link: there, ya killed someone, HAPPY?!  
  
Majora's Mask: Not what I had in mind but it'll do... for now. *flys away*  
  
Link: Ok now to finish this fight and... nevermind.  
  
(takes his sword and cuts medli loose with it)  
  
Medli: Link! (gets clothes back on) You came to rescue me! Oh, thank you!   
  
Link: anytime.  
  
I have to tell you what I  
  
found out. This is terrible. Some creature is sending huge amounts of Internet spam to the great  
  
Fuckyou's tail. That's why he's so angry. The great Fuckyou's tail hangs down into  
  
the room right below here. There's got to be something in there. I wonder if  
  
those mean monsters who captured me  
  
Link: and tried to...  
  
Medli: Don't even mention that!!!... -_- We've got to  
  
do something now before it's too late!   
  
Link: Why doesn't he just get a Spamblocker?  
  
Medli: too expensive.  
  
Link: -_-  
  
Medli: I'll go and tell everyone what's  
  
happening. Here, Link, use the grappling hook to get out of here.  
  
It's a device we Shito use before we evolve wings. Well good luck... cya at the bottom!!!  
  
(In boss room)  
  
(Flaggaria (from metroid prime) pops up from lava )  
  
Link: wait a damn minute!!!!  
  
Flaggaria: ???  
  
Link: you're a plant right?  
  
Flaggaria: Yeah...  
  
Link: and plants hate fire right?  
  
Flaggaria: yeah...  
  
Link: then whats keeping you from burning up like a gargage bag full of gasoline?  
  
Flaggaria: ummm... (Bursts into flames) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *Dies*  
  
Link: *blink* *blink* The hell was that?  
  
(On Faggot Roost Island.)  
  
Medli: Link! Well, Prince Komali, don't you have something you want to say?  
  
Prince Komali: I heard everything from Medli.. blah bl-   
  
Link: -_-  
  
Prince Komali: here just have this pearl (Runs off)  
  
Medli: Komali!!! Well thanks for everything link... you've done a LOT for us... (thinking) especially for me..   
  
(Medli runs off after Komali)  
  
Link: cya later... Medli... (tear forms near left eye)  
  
King of Red Arwings: Hey hey man it isn't really good-bye after all...  
  
Link: it isn't?  
  
King of Red Arwings: Hell no... you'll get to come here again... to wake Medli as the Sage of Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkeys that ate your sister's peanut cheese bars  
  
Link:...  
  
King of Red Arwings: and you'll be alone too...  
  
Link: YES!!! ^_^ but... then tetra could come and kill Medli and... DAMN YOU TETRA!!!!  
  
King of Red Arwings: MAJORA!!!!  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Can I  
  
King of Red Arwings: NO! but I do know someone else you could ask...  
  
Majora's Mask: then you- you say you know who I could ask?  
  
King of Red Arwings: Yeah... come here... (Whispers something to Majora's Mask)  
  
Majora's Mask: YES SIR!!!! (Flies off...)  
  
Link: ummm what was that all about?  
  
King of Red Arwings: you'll see.  
  
(Somewhere in the great sea)  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!)  
  
Tetra: no.  
  
Majora's Mask: you suck.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!   
  
Tetra: no.  
  
Majora's Mask: you suck.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!   
  
Tetra: no.  
  
Majora's Mask: you suck.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!   
  
Tetra: no.  
  
Majora's Mask: you suck.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!   
  
Tetra: no.  
  
Majora's Mask: you suck.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!   
  
Tetra: no.  
  
Majora's Mask: you suck.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!   
  
Tetra: no.  
  
Majora's Mask: you suck.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!   
  
Tetra: no.  
  
Majora's Mask: you suck.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!   
  
Tetra: no.  
  
Majora's Mask: you suck.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!   
  
Tetra: no.  
  
Majora's Mask: you suck.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!   
  
Tetra: no.  
  
Majora's Mask: you suck.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!   
  
Tetra: no.  
  
Majora's Mask: you suck.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!   
  
Tetra: no.  
  
Majora's Mask: you suck.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!   
  
Tetra: no, and give me a Peanut cheese bar already.  
  
Majora's Mask: you suck.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hi! Cin I keel you?!  
  
Tetra: no.   
  
Gonzo: you know, you'd kill a lot more people if you would not even ask them.   
  
Tetra: GONZO YOU DUMBFUCK!!!!  
  
Majora's Mask: Hey thankx... I'll take your word for it.  
  
(Majora blows up like a fucking Nuclear warhead)  
  
Tetra: IIII WAAAAAANNNNNT A PEEEEEEANUUT CHEEEEESE BAAAAAAAAAAAARRR!!!!!  
  
(30 miles away)  
  
(Link sees a large mushroom cloud overhead)  
  
Link: What the hell was that?  
  
King of Red Arwings: don't ask.  
  
Link: ooookay then.  
  
Ok link's crush has been revealed. And so has tetra's. And... Just what horrors of mass lunacy await link in the Four-Ass Haven? Find out next time on WIND WANKER!!! 


	4. FourAssed Island

First for some reviewer time:  
  
Lunarian: Its nice to see I'm not the only one out here who likes link/Medli. Unfourtunately you may have to wait 2 or 3 chaps since your only reading it for link/Medli stuff. But I still URGE you to continue reading. Sorry about that wait, but after chaper 6 or 7 it will be pure link/Medli. Thank you for the reviews.  
  
The Legend of Zelda:The Wind Wanker  
  
Chapter 4: Four-Ass Haven and tons of metal destruction.  
  
Disclamer: I no own Zelda! I no Own Metroid either (Yes a few characters come and make an appearance here too, and I do not own Starfox.  
  
(Four-ass Haven)  
  
Link: Agh! Fucking ChuChus!!!!  
  
(Another mega grenade drops out of the sky)  
  
Link: heh... talk about good timing. (presses button and throws grenade) nice knowin ya suxors!!!  
  
(Grenade takes out all the idiots- er ChuChus)  
  
link: I don't know where those things come, from but who cares? ^_^  
  
(After removing the ChuChus from the Deku Tree in Four-ass Haven.)  
  
Deku Tree: Hey I got news for ya you decrypt son of a bitch run as fast as ya can you mother fucker I'll chop your balls off and shove them up your-  
  
Link: O_O  
  
Deku Tree: I must apologize. I saw your clothing and suddenly I  
  
Thought you were another lame tree-huggging hippie. Koroks, little children of the woods, this traveler is not your enemy! Let your hearts be at ease and show yourselves.  
  
(The Koroks appear.)  
  
Deku Tree: these are the Koroks, the spirits of the forest. Once upon a time, long ago, the Koroks took on human forms. But then the Border Patrol kept catching them when they wanted to plant trees on different islands and kept thinking they were drug smugglers or illegal aliens so they had to evolve to fly, so now they have these idiotic forms, and they fear people, but to me, they will ever be my dearest little toys. As it happens, you have come just in time for a ceremony that Koroks hold but once ever year. It is about to begin. I shall grant the pearl to you once their ceremony is complete. I must apologize for the long-ass delay, but if the ceremony is not completed, something ill-fated could befall us.   
  
Link: Purple monkeys?  
  
Random Korok: yep, the ghey Flying purple pokadot Monkeys That ate your sister's Peanut Cheese bars.  
  
Deku tree: So, let it begin. Are you ready, my children?  
  
Linder: We are not, O Lame Deku Tree. Something terrible has happened. It is Lamear.  
  
Deku Tree: What is the matter, Linder? You and Lamear are never here on time ya fooks.  
  
Linder:umm... Lamear fell into the Forbidden Woods etc etc.  
  
Deku Tree: What? The Forbidden Woods? I told you to be careful, but still Lamear flew above the Forbidden Woods and as he drew close to it.. That little shit. Link, you have heard all this? The Forbidden Woods are right beside the hollowed island of our Four-ass Haven. These woods, the whole region, is a vile place that is home to evil beasts.  
  
Random N00b from magic-league.com: Why is it always RG beasts?! Whatever happened to fucking zombies, Goblins, slivers, or elves?  
  
Random #magic-league op: they all suck  
  
Random N00b from magic-league.com: fuck you  
  
*** Random N00b from magic-league.com was Kicked by Random #magic-league op (Banned)  
  
Link: oooooooookaaaaay then...  
  
[Author's note: in cause you're wondering what the hell that was all about, RG beasts, Zombie, sliver, elves, goblins, etc are Magic The Gathering Decks.]  
  
Deku Tree: And now it seems they have taken a child of the Four-ass named Lamear. Your presence here is no mistake, I deem. The King of Red Arwings likely expects you to die so he can sell your stuff. It is why he brought you here. I'm sorry to ask this of you, but can you go rescue that little son of a bitch for me?  
  
Link: Yeah yeah whatever...  
  
(Inside the Forbidden Woods.)  
  
Link: this had better be quick... damn I'm never gonna solve this :'(... (looks up) THE HELL?!  
  
(A Giant M1-A1 Abrams assault tank lands on link)  
  
Link: Ok What the hell is with everything falling on me all the time?! Well... whatever. (Gets in tank)  
  
Link: HA!!! It's a bad day to not be me...  
  
(Inside of Forbidden Woods)  
  
(Link Crashes through the doors, we see ChuChus that look like they got ran over by something HUGE, a lot of the woods contain craters and bulletholes and tredmarks)  
  
Giant moth: GRRRR!!!  
  
Link: (In tank) DIE FUCKER!!! (pumps it with the coaxial machine gun, taking all 4 of its wings off)  
  
Link: and now for the final cut...  
  
Giant moth: Fuck you- WHA? NO!!!!  
  
(Link loads the main gun and blows up the Giant Moth with it)  
  
Link: ^_^  
  
(Link Drives straight into the boss room, Killing anything and everything in his way)  
  
(Inside the boss room of Forbidden Woods.)  
  
(Lamear is swallowed by the boss.)  
  
(Link bursts through the wall with the tank. He is out of MG ammo, out of Turret ammo, and out of gas.)  
  
Link: FUCK!!! (Gets out of the tank) Well that was fun while it lasted.  
  
(BOSSBATTLE Parasite Queen)  
  
Link: okaaaay it's a large mutant cockroach that spits acid... ok then.  
  
Tetra: (Lands in scene after getting blown up back on the ship)  
  
Tetra: WHERE ARE THE FUCKING PEANUT CHEESE BARS? YOU! BIG ASS COCKROACH! GIVE ME PEANUT CHEESE BARS!  
  
Parasite queen: ROAR!!!! (NO! MINE!!!!)  
  
Tetra: (throws a rock at Parasite queen)  
  
Parasite queen: ROAAAAR!!! (YOU SONOFABITCH!!!)  
  
Link: GOD PEOPLE SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!  
  
(Tetra punches link)  
  
(Parasite queen attempts to spit acid at link but misses hitting tetra)  
  
Tetra: AAAAHHH!!! IT BURNS!!! MY HAIR!!!! IT'S DYING!!! AAHHHH!!!!  
  
(Parasite queen then eats the acid-drenched tetra whole)  
  
Link: Yo thanx man... I don't know how much longer I could have stood here with HER in this room...  
  
Parasite queen: No problem..  
  
Link: What The hell? You can speak English now?  
  
Parasite queen: umm... plothole.  
  
Link: hey that gives me an Idea... (Digs in plot hole and pulls Lamear out)  
  
Parasite queen: LOL... Why the hell didn't I think of that? Just pull your objective out of the plothole.. LOL...  
  
Link: Actually I was looking for Medli -_-   
  
Parasite queen: O_O  
  
Lamear: So, swordsman, are you the one who rescued me? You have- The hell? YOU STILL DIDN'T BEAT UP THE BOSS?  
  
Link: Was I supposed to?  
  
Lamear: -_-  
  
Link: SHUT UP!!!!  
  
(On Four-ass Haven.)  
  
Deku Tree: Oh, Lamear, you have returned safely!  
  
Lamear: I'm sorry, Great Deku Tree. I know you warned us many times, but still I  
  
did not listen.  
  
Deku Tree: That's it your getting a spanking. You have done well, Link. I must thank you for your suicidal deeds.   
  
Link: YOU PUT ME ON A SUICIDE MISSION?!  
  
Deku Tree:well kinda... I mean how could a loser like you fight against da pwner of Forbiddin Woods anyways?  
  
Link: SHUT UP!!!! Look, just give me the pearl so I can get out of here -_-  
  
(The Great Deku Tree shakes until FallenWhore's Pearl falls out.)  
  
Narration: *still dead*  
  
(Deku Tree Swats link sending him skyrocketing)  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
10 minutes later  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
10 hours later  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
5 days later: Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- huh... hey I'm floa- NO! I'M FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!-  
  
5 days 10 hours and 10 minutes later)  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
(link hits the ground at 46562475863487526587234 MPH)  
  
Link: You suck Rylasasin- OH SHIT!!!  
  
(BIGFOOT POWER WHEELS lands on top of him)  
  
Link: ooooowwwwwwwww...  
  
(A month later)  
  
Link: What happen?  
  
King of Red Arwings: Someone set up you one big smokin' hole in ground... but somehow survive.  
  
Link: We get signal?  
  
King of Red Arwings: Hell no... and stop with the fucking zero-g shit (NO I DON"T OWN THAT EITHER)  
  
Link: Damn... so where next?  
  
King of Red Arwings: umm... BarneyLand  
  
Link:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
(King of Red Arwings Sends out a claw to grab link and pull him in the cockpit and they fly off towards barney island, with link screaming his head off link a little kid who doesn't want to go to the dentist)  
  
(on the way there they shoot at barney heads and babybop heads, smily faces, and BJ faces. Etc etc etc)  
  
Will link be consumed by the wild barneys? Or will the Author give them a break like he's been doing for pretty much the whole damn story? Find out in the next retarded Chapter of Wind Wanker. That is unless you don't give me at least one more review. Then I'll just stop. Geez. 


	5. Barney island

The Legend of Zelda:The Wind Wanker  
  
Chapter 5: Barneyland  
  
Disclamer: I no own Zelda! I no Own Metroid either (Yes a few characters come and make an appearance here too, and I do not own Starfox.  
  
(On Barneyland.)  
  
King of Red Arwings: awww no the corn! Paul Numans gonna have my legs broke...  
  
Link: You don't have legs.  
  
King of Red Arwings: Fuck you.  
  
Majora's Mask: Hello there, Link!  
  
(Majora's Mask flies into view.)  
  
Link: NO!!!! you may NOT kill me!!!  
  
Majora's Mask: You suck. Anyway, I've been looking for you. Are you by chance seeking  
  
the great spirit, Jabun? Umm he ate too many Peanut Cheese Bars and that's what happened to him...  
  
(Links looks over to his left and sees Jabun belly-side up...)  
  
Majora's Mask: heh what a moron... I cant beleve the peanut cheese bar thing actually worked..  
  
Link: so you did that?  
  
Majora's Mask: Hell no, umm... gannon came here with a bunch of moblins and I saw him trying to shove giant peanut cheese bars down his stomach and... (Sees that link isn't buying it) FINE! I DID IT!!! I'M GUILTY!!!! Here take this pearl and leave me alone!!!! PLEASE!!!!! (gives him Screwyou's pearl and flies away)  
  
Link: Why is it that I have not faced one real boss here anyways?!  
  
King of Red Arwings: Umm.. Comic relief :/  
  
Link: -_-  
  
King of Red Arwings: well lets go, before the barneys wake up and start singing.  
  
Link: To where?  
  
King of Red Arwings: The Triangle Islands  
  
Link: ok as along as there are no barneys there o_0  
  
(At the statue on one of the Triangle Islands.)  
  
Statue: Wandering traveler who seeks the guidepost of the goddesses on crack, place the  
  
pearl you hold here.  
  
(Link places one of the pearls in the statue's hands.)  
  
(The statue glows.)  
  
Narration: You've placed FallenWhore's Pearl in the brand-new statue's hands. Two  
  
pearls remain!  
  
Link: Hey how did you come alive again?  
  
Narration: pl-  
  
Link: Let me guess, plothole right?  
  
Narration: yep  
  
(At the statue on one of the Triangle Islands.)  
  
Statue: Wandering traveler who seeks the guidepost of the goddesses on weed, place the  
  
pearl you hold here.  
  
(Link places one of the pearls in the statue's hands.)  
  
(The statue glows.)  
  
Narration: You've placed Screwyou's Pearl in the ancient statue's hands. One pearl  
  
remains!  
  
(At the statue on one of the Triangle Islands.)  
  
Statue: Wandering traveler who seeks the guidepost of the goddesses on um... AOL, place the  
  
pearl you hold here.  
  
Link: AOL!!! Geez that is bad :(.  
  
(Link places one of the pearls in the statue's hands.)  
  
(The statue glows.)  
  
Narration: You've placed the Recycle bin's Pearl in the ancient statue's hands.  
  
(The statue glows again.)  
  
(Link backs away from the statue.)  
  
(The statue stops glowing.)  
  
(Link stops and moves closer towards it.)  
  
(The statue explodes, Spilling acid all over link.)  
  
(The three statues create an image of the CryForce.)  
  
(A tower rises out of the Not-So-Great Sea.)  
  
King of Red Arwings: Blah Blah Blah Pearls Blah Blah Tower Blah Blah Gods Blah Blah Blah Fuck me fuck you Blah Blah Blah Peanut Cheese Bars Blah Blah Blah Blah... and further more Blah Blah blah blah...  
  
(Link Sees a button that says "KORA audio toggle" and presses it.)  
  
Mysterious Voice: King of Red Arwings Audio Off, running in quite mode. Will disengage next time you board.  
  
Link: Now that I think about it... I'm in an aircraft, so why not just skip the whole damn thing and get on top the tower...  
  
Mysterious Voice: Good Idea sir... rasing elevation, holding steady. Elevation now at 342 ft, begin landing sequence...)  
  
(Auto landing sequence crashes the Arwing)  
  
(On top of the Tower of the Gods.)  
  
(Link rings the bell on top of the Tower of the Gods.)  
  
(Link and the King of Red Arwings Fly Into a ring of Oil in the ocean.)  
  
King of Red Arwings: You have done well, Link. It would seem that the gods have  
  
acknowledged you to be a Complete dumbass, so lets get down there and take the master's sword.  
  
Are you ready, Link?  
  
(Link nods head.)  
  
(Link and the King of Red Arwings fly into the ring of light.)  
  
(Link and the King of Red Arwings move deeper into the ocean until they reach a  
  
castle (or is it?).)  
  
What kind of horror awaits them at the castle? Is it really that horrible? And just what the hell happened to tetra? Is she really dead?! Find out in the next lame chapter of The legend of Zelda: Wind Wanker. 


	6. Hyrule Disco

The Legend of Zelda:The Wind Wanker  
  
Chapter 5: Barneyland  
  
Disclamer: I no own Zelda! I no Own Metroid either (Yes a few characters come and make an appearance here too, and I do not own Starfox.  
  
(At Hyrule... thing.)  
  
King of Red Arwings: You're probably wondering where we are, aren't you?  
  
Unfortunately, there is not enough time for me to explain it to you now. Once  
  
you are able to strike down Ganon with the item you obtain in this castle, all  
  
will be made clear to you. Trust in my words. See what awaits you in the  
  
castle.  
  
(Inside the basement of Hyrule... thing.)  
  
(it's a black and white place with moblins and darknuts that have been frozen in time)  
  
Link: this place sucks...  
  
(Giant Disco Ball Drops from the ceilng of the castle and all sorts of disco lights come on... Kick ass Disco Music comes on)  
  
Link: woah woah woah this is the best damn place in the entire game!!!  
  
(all the enemies unfreeze)  
  
Link: DO THE MONKEY WITH ME!!! COMEON!!!  
  
(everybody does the monkey)  
  
Everybody: PARTY!!!!  
  
(Great Sea)  
  
Majora's Mask: hi Cin I keel you?  
  
Tetra: no  
  
Majora's mask: You suck.   
  
(Hyrule disco hall)  
  
Everybody: PARTY!!!!  
  
(Great Sea)  
  
Majora's Mask: hi Cin I keel you?  
  
Tetra: no  
  
Majora's mask: You suck.  
  
(Hyrule disco hall)  
  
Everybody: PARTY!!!!  
  
(Great Sea)  
  
Tetra: Hi!!! Cin I keel you?  
  
Majora's mask: no  
  
Tetra: You suck.   
  
(Hyrule disco hall)  
  
Everybody: PARTY!!!!  
  
(Great Sea)  
  
Majora's Mask: hi Cin I keel you?  
  
Tetra: no, In fact I'm going somewhere else so I can NOT HEAR YOU YA MOTHERFUCKER  
  
Majora's mask: You suck.  
  
(Hyrule disco hall)  
  
Everybody: PARTY!!!!  
  
Tetra: HEY!!!  
  
(entire party dies)  
  
Tetra: Link you dumbfuck, your supposed to kill them not party with them...  
  
Link: Fu-  
  
Tetra: SHUT UP!!! And another thing... SOMEONE GET ME SOME PEANUT CHEESE BARS AND-  
  
Random Moblin: nopeanutcheesebarsforyou!!! (Throws his spear at tetra)  
  
(Tetra gets hit by spear and falls over as if dead.)  
  
(few seconds of silence, then disco stuff starts back up)  
  
everyone minus Tetra: PARTY!!!! (continues to party)  
  
Tetra: This is just not my fucking day... *dies for the umpteenth time*  
  
(Hyrule Castle- er Disco Hall after a day of non-stop partying)  
  
Random Moblin: Hey mon joor not as lam as some of dese people say ya are mon.. jus what the fook is with dem ghuys anewheys?  
  
Link: They're all assholes, what can I say. And what about gannon?  
  
Random Moblin: Yeeh what aboot heim? He ghot eaten by da masta metroid mon!!!  
  
Link: Masta Metroid?  
  
Random Moblin: Yah I heerd he cam all da way ova from dat metroid Prame game Mon...  
  
Link: oh him... how the hell does he manage to fit his fat ass inside that little island?  
  
Random Moblin: me no kno mon. All I know iz dat we get ta do what we wanna mon!!!  
  
Link: Well catch ya later man!  
  
Random Moblin: cya mon!  
  
King of Red Arwings: well time to go to fucked up fortress.  
  
(Inside Fucked Up Fortress.)  
  
King of Red Arwings: Metroid Prime has likely been made aware of our little incursion already, and we don't have shit.   
  
Link: Ya know, this whole "Invade the Fucked Up fortress so we can save our sister so she can yell at us and make us look like assholes" thing is fucking bullshit. I say we fuck this and go right back to...  
  
King of Red Arwings: yes?  
  
Link: well... uhh... ANYPLACE BUT HERE!!!  
  
King of Red Arwings: alighty... I Think I'll take you too... uh... butthole island...  
  
Link: WHAT? NO!!!!!!  
  
King of Red Arwings: Hahahaha that's what you get for turning my voice off!!!  
  
Next time on Wind Wanker:  
  
Laruto: SURE? YA WANT SURE GO WATCH THE NEWS! I'M JUST A GAYASS SAGE THAT SITS HERE FOR NO APPARENT REASON AND FILLS YOU WITH LAMEASS BULLSHIT.  
  
--  
  
Majora's Mask: DIE FIERCE DICK!!!  
  
--  
  
Medli: ...I love you.  
  
--   
  
All in the next Ghetto-Possessed chapter of wind wanker 


	7. LinkMedli Romance last!

The Legend of Zelda:The Wind Wanker  
  
Chapter 7: The Romance.  
  
Disclamer: I no own Zelda! I no Own Metroid either (Yes a few characters come and make an appearance here too, and I do not own Starfox.  
  
Note to everyone:I would like to thank EVERYONE who reviewed this story. Your comments mean a lot to me. Keepem coming. I hope you people enjoy my attempt at the Link/Medli Romance. It will be my first but by no means the last. Oh and speaking of R and Romance... I got a little surprise for you link/Medli seekers. You came looking for R rated Link/Medli Material? Well you won't be disappointed. It will come at the end. For now, just enjoy the 7th crazy chapter of The Legend of Zelda:The Wind Wanker!!  
  
(On Butthole Island.)  
  
Laruto: Blah blah blah Master sword Blah blah blah Sage of Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkeys that ate your sister's peanut cheese bars Blah blah blah blah tetra must not be allowed to get any peanut cheese bars blah blah blah blah Medli blah blah blah Sage of Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkeys that ate your sister's peanut cheese bars blah blah gannon blah blah blah blah..  
  
Link: You know woman I have no fucking clue what you're trying to get at... Gannon is eaten, I don't have the fucking master sword, Tetra's dead etc. etc. etc.  
  
Laruto: well tetra's not dead... she only gets killed temporarily. Etc etc etc.  
  
Link: I know I'm supposed to come here with Medli, but now she won't come because of the disasterous turn of events etc... *Cries*  
  
Laruto: Link quit crying like some kind of pansy. Beleve it or not she actually likes you too.  
  
Link: are you sure?  
  
Laruto: SURE? YA WANT SURE GO WATCH THE NEWS! I'M JUST A GAYASS SAGE THAT SITS HERE FOR NO APPARENT REASON AND FILLS YOU WITH LAMEASS BULLSHIT.  
  
Link: damn... what now?  
  
Laruto: just wisper the truth into her ear and hope she goes with you?  
  
Link: Why would she go to a place like this though..  
  
Laruto: I don't know... to escape Komali? I guess... Look, just use the master sword thing as an excuse ok? Say its an "Official reason" etc etc. Because to tell you the truth, this fic is goin no where fast LOL.  
  
Link: hey cool lots of time to do lots of worthless crap...  
  
(Laruto disappears.)  
  
(On Faggot Roost Island.)  
  
Medli: Oh, Link! You're okay! You know, Prince Komali's been asking me all  
  
about you. I can rest easy now that I've seen you safe and sound  
  
with my own eyes. Prince Komali's turned into a fine, young adult, hasn't he? Recently, he's even begun doing things on his own without me. Every conversation still ends up centered on you though, Link. Watching Prince Komali grow up fills me with pride and makes me a little sad as well. I wonder if this is how a mother feels? Oh, but just listen to me go on! And how dumb I must sound!  
  
(Medli thinks: Yeah like a complete dumbass.)  
  
Medli: Well, I better continue practicing so I can be useless around here too. Performing music like this is a boring part of an attendant.  
  
(Link shows Medli the Wind Wanker.)  
  
Medli: Hey, is that the Wind Wanker? Wow! Link, will you conduct me? I wonder how I'll do.  
  
(Link plays the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate link's sister's peanut cheese bars God's Lyric in front of Medli.)  
  
Medli: Hmm. What a mysterious song. It sounds so familiar. It's almost as if something I've forgotten is trying to be remembered. Oh, I feel..  
  
(Medli faints.)  
  
(10 minutes later)  
  
Medli: (thinking) gods why can't I just have sex dreams like everyone else...  
  
Medli: OMG link we need to go to the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate your sister's peanut cheese bars Temple for no Apparent reason. (Thinking) Oh I know the reason Alright but I don't know if he'll like it...  
  
Link: Alrighty then!!! (thinking) This is gonna be great! That is unless she dumps me for that Komali fucker.  
  
(On Butthole Island.)  
  
King of Red Arwings: Blah blah blah command theme blah blah blah link blah blah blah monsters blah blah blah tetra blah blah blah Peanut Cheese Bars Blah blah blah   
  
Medli: You were right link... he really IS annoying.  
  
(Link and Medli nod at each other and enter the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate Link's sister's peanut cheese bars Temple while leaving the Kind of Red Arwings to blah-blah to himself.)  
  
(Inside the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate Link's sister's peanut cheese bars Temple.)  
  
Link: (thinking) just walking around here with her is not gonna do any good. Better start a conversation of some -)  
  
Medli: -so link, ya get hurt by any enemies during your adventures?  
  
Link: ya know Medli, it seems weird but I only had to fight 3 enemies so far... that one in Fairy forest and those two that one time up on faggot roost. All the others either partyed, got blown up, killed by tanks, or majora. Weird eh?  
  
(Medli giggles)  
  
Medli: btw... forgot to ask... What was that thing in Fuckyou's chamber like? Was he hard?  
  
Link: are you kidding me? All I had to do was make him realize he was flammable and he burned like a bucket full of gasoline.  
  
(they both laugh)  
  
Medli: Geez... even I could have done THAT...  
  
Link: yep...   
  
(Inside another room in the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate Link's sister's peanut cheese bars Temple.)  
  
(Link and Medli are fighting a bunch of enemies... suddenly two wallmasters come out. One grabs Medli, the reaches into links pocket and grabs link's Peanut cheese bar.)  
  
Link: NOO!!! MY PEANUT CHEESE BAR!!!  
  
Medli: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! HEELP!!!  
  
Link: MEDLI!!!   
  
(Links looks at Medli, then at the Cheese bar, then at at Medli...)  
  
Link: (thinking)OH GOD OH GOD WHAT NOW?!  
  
(Medli and cheese bar slowly sink further into the ground.. knowing he'll never see one or the other again.. he thinks in very slow motion)  
  
Link: (Thinking) I can only get one... One the one hand I got a Cheesebar so delicious nothing can compare... and on the other I got a girl who may love me but I don't know and If I don't ask fast I wont see either again... oh geez what now.. of course, one, and only one can come out in the end...)  
  
Little Pepsi Girl from the Einstein Pepsi commercials (or was it coke? I forgot): (In links mind) DUUUUUUUUUUUU-UUHHHH!!!!!!!!! (mind reverses)  
  
Link: *swats himself in the head) a no brainier!  
  
(Link suddenly whips out his sword and Cuts the hand holding Medli. He tries to rush for the one holding his cheese bar but it sinks too fast and link falls flat on his face)  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! That was my last one too!!! SON OF A BITCH!!!!  
  
Medli: Link...  
  
Link: (Is crying like a baby) Damn You!!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!  
  
Medli: LINK!!!  
  
Link: *Sniff* yeah?  
  
(Medli smiles and Holds out a Peanut Cheese bar)  
  
Link: YAY!!!! PEANUT CHEESE BAR!!!  
  
(Link Touches the Peanut cheese bar but the Medli puts her hand on top of his. Link looks up at Medli who is now blushing...)  
  
Link: (thinking) Whats she doing... could it be???   
  
(link smiles back, and he notices Medli as well as himself are slowly starting to come closer together.)  
  
(now Medli and link are almost getting ready to kiss... they're lips are literally a millimeter apart when-)  
  
Majora's Mask: HI CIN I KEEL YOU?!  
  
(Medli and Link break apart almost instantly)  
  
Link: MAJORA!!!! THAT'S IT!!! No, your not gonna kill us... I'M GONNA FUCKIN' KILL YOU!!! I've been keeping this behind me since I dug around in that first plothole... a mask I'm sure you'll recognize... Here comes...  
  
(link slaps on mask... after less than a second a scream is heard and a blue light is seen as Link is transformed into...)  
  
Link: FIERCE DEITY!!!!! [ Author note: unlike so many other humor fics, FD is a good guy in this one...)  
  
Majora's Mask: so we meet again Fierce Dick!!!  
  
Link (aka Fierce Deity) : *Unsheaths his MASSIVE "infinity" symbol-shaped sword* DIE SLUTJORA!!!!  
  
Majora's Mask: *Trasforms into Majora's wrath* DIE FIERICE DICK!!!  
  
(Majora whips link, but he fights back and stabs majora, they continue this for a full 10 minutes, kicking, stabing, whipping, slicing, dicing, cutting, bleeding, and last and least insulting each other. Finally after countless minutes which seems like years, FD Link gains a headway and Majora gets pwned...)  
  
Fierce Deity: Now to finish you...  
  
(Fierce Deity Holds out his hand and shoots majora with a large beam of light... completely obliterating him from the face of the Earth...)  
  
Fierce Deity: ok... now to take this thing off...  
  
(link takes off the Fierce deity mask)  
  
Link: well.. at least now we won't be bothered by him...  
  
(In another part of the temple)  
  
Tetra: ok whereare those hands?  
  
Niko: In your shoulders  
  
Tetra: (Shoots niko)  
  
Tetra: Shut up. Or was I supposed to say "shut up" first then shoot him? Ah well.  
  
(Wallmaster pops out of floor with peanut cheese bar and hands it to tetra)  
  
Tetra: (snaches the Peanut Cheese Bar away from the hand) FINALLY!!! I HAVE AQUIRRED THE SACRED PEANUT CHEESE BAR!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Ok where's the other one, who was supposed to kidnap Medli so I could kill her and seduce link so I rape him and rob him of both his virginity and his peanut cheese bars?  
  
Gonzo: It get killed by link.  
  
Tetra: DAMMIT!!! (Shoots Gonzo)  
  
Gonzo: Whatever you say mistress. *dies*  
  
(Inside the Boss Room in the Flying Purple Pokadoted Monkey that ate Link's sister's peanut cheese bars Temple.)  
  
Link: Hey that's odd... Where's the boss?  
  
Medli: ummm.. I don't know.  
  
Laurato: Link, you fought him already.  
  
Link: ???  
  
Laurato: does "Majora" ring any bells?  
  
Link: What the?  
  
Medli: Ah well... Btw your umm... (Wispers something into Laurato's ear)  
  
Laurato: (Giggling) oh ok Medli.. I'll kick myself out then. (she disappears, but before she does she winks at link and Medli)  
  
Medli: Link, its that time... time to put the sword in and...  
  
Link: Medli, I have something to tell you...  
  
Medli: ye..yes???  
  
Link: *sigh*... there is no master sword...  
  
Medli: ...  
  
Link: yes its all true.. it was never aquired in this fic. It was bypassed for that damn disco party scene.  
  
Medli: To tell you the truth... I knew the entire time ^_^  
  
Link: WHAT?!  
  
Medli: The only reason I even went along with it is because I...  
  
Link: you... (Could it be?!?!?! She really does?!?!?! It can't be...)  
  
Medli: ...I love you.  
  
Link: (Thinking) OMFG!!!   
  
Link: and now that you mention it... I ... I love you too...  
  
(After staring at each other for two minutes, they come together in a warm and tight embrace)  
  
(After 10 minutes of making out)  
  
Medli: Well, I'll say here and contin-  
  
Link: Why? There's no master sword, remember?  
  
Medli: huh? Oh yeah...  
  
Link: Come with me.  
  
Medli: What?  
  
Link: Come with me, that way we can stay together for the rest of this fic... and it does not seem to be going anywhere fast.  
  
Medli: you really DO love me don't you?  
  
Link: Wasn't that kind of obvious that day that I busted you out of that prison in Faggot roost?  
  
Medli: well... What about tetra?  
  
Link: who's tetra? Oh yeah you mean the one who constantly beats me to a pulp for no apparent reason only to get killed herself? Well, she's just a dumbass.  
  
Medli: I thought that since she was Zelda that you'd-  
  
Rylasasin: I hate to break in here, but no Medli, tetra is NOT Zelda in this fic...  
  
Link: Really?  
  
Rylasasin: yeah... she's really... umm... Dare I say it?  
  
Link/Medli: YES!!!  
  
Rylasasin: Metroid Prime.  
  
Link: so that's how metroid prime is able to fit into Fucked Up Fortress :/ Anyway, Medli, do you want to come with me?  
  
Medli: (eyes light up) YES!!!  
  
(Outside of Temple)  
  
Tetra: Ok guys, you know the plan. I'll wound link so he can't get away, while you two kill Medli! Got that?!  
  
??? and ??? (they look like space pirates from Metroid Prime): Yes mam.  
  
Tetra: good. (hears something) oh shit here they come! Get ready guys...  
  
I hope you enjoyed that. btw... I'm going to make the so-called "Ambush" tetra springs (and succeeds for once, but in a way fails as usuall) as funny as hell. 


	8. The New Tetra Order

Chapter 8: New Tetra Order  
  
(Two figures, one looking kinda like a bird, and the other with a pointy hat and strange cloths come walking out of the temple. )  
  
Link: hey man just how much did we get paid for this gig anyways?  
  
Medli: about 500 rupies.  
  
Link: oh good. For a minute I think we were getting screwed...  
  
???: ATTACK!!!!  
  
(all the space pirates jump out of their hiding places. Link and Medli turn to run but are brutally beaten and successfully detained by the space pirates)  
  
(tetra comes walking out from behind a rock behind them.)  
  
Tetra: HAHAHAHA so Medli thought you could steal my sex toy and outwit the imperious forces of Planet Zebes? Well you were wrong. Turn around please. *sticks nose in the air and gives the "I'm a snot" look to the sky.*  
  
("Link" and "Medli" turn around only to reveal that they are in fact... Prince Komali (who's in Medli's cloths) and tingle. As the space pirates are escorting the fake link and the fake Medli to where tetra is, The REAL link and the REAL Medli (who's wearing a different dress), are seen sneaking out of the Temple, up the rocks, and around the back of the island))  
  
Tetra: What a pity, What a pity Too bad neither of you will live this. (Turns all the way around and starts to take her pants off) You will both lose your virginity, your peanut cheese bars, and your lives.. HAHAHAHAHA!!! (after taking panties off, she turns around to face the fake link and the fake Medli. She jumps back about 3 feet in sheer shock)  
  
Tetra: WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?!  
  
(after a few moments of silence, in which in the VERY far back, the REAL link and Medli are seen taking off in a cloaked King of Red Arwings in the opposite direction. They disappear into the sun after a few minutes)  
  
Tetra: YOU IDIOTS!!! These are not them! You've captured... THEIR STUNT DOUBLES!!!!!  
  
(King of Red Arwings)  
  
Link: Geez that was a close one. Good thing you thought of that idea back there.  
  
Medli: no... good thing that Komali and Tingle are both arrogant pricks that like spying on people for no apparent reason.   
  
Link: still, if it wasn't for your Idea, we would have BOTH been screwed. Figuratively AND literally.  
  
Medli: Yeah.   
  
KORA: umm... I love to break in here and change the subject, but why the hell would tetra wanna rape link anyhow? I mean geez all she's ever done is Beat him to a pulp.  
  
Medli: well... come to think of it he HAS gotten a lot sexier since last month.   
  
Link: me? HA! You've gotten to be a downright knockout!  
  
Medli: (blushes) oh you!  
  
Link: (laughs)  
  
KORA: Umm.. so, umm... now that tetra knows that those guys aren't us... now where we go?  
  
Link: uh... what about umm... Afganistan?  
  
Medli: HELL NO!!!  
  
Link: umm... sorry then.  
  
Meldi: well, what about Iraq?  
  
Link + Kora: HELL NO!!!  
  
Medli: sorry.  
  
Link: well... umm...  
  
The Devil: How bout Hell?  
  
Everybody in ship: HEAVEN NO!!!  
  
The Devil: #$@#$!@#%$#@%#$%@#$^#Q$@!#!!!  
  
Kora: lets go to umm... what was that place again... Four-Ass Haven?  
  
Link: hmmm... I don't know...  
  
Medli: ah what the hell it sounds far better than anything else said here so far.  
  
(Four ass Haven)  
  
Lamear: oh hi there swordsman...  
  
Linder: umm... yeah... hi...  
  
Link: (to Medli) you'd think they'd be a lot more happy to see me.  
  
Medli: (to link) I don't like this place. It seems a bit... creepy. I mean...   
  
Link: well we have no other places to stay.  
  
Great Deku Tree: I'm sorry, miss... uh...  
  
Medli: Medli  
  
Great Deku Tree: Medli. It seems my Korok Children have gotten some strange disease. Don't worry you two, it only effects Koroks. I assure you that tetra and her band of demons from the skies have no power here. You two must be tired. Let Linder and Lamear show you to your rooms.  
  
(Linder leads link to one room, which smells a bit funny. Making him slightly suspicious.)  
  
Linder: sorry sir it must be the smell of rotting wood.  
  
Link: uhhh ok.   
  
(Lamear leads Medli to another room, which is farther away and down the starts from links)  
  
(after showing them their rooms, Linder and Lamear are seen meeting with a unknown hooded figure in an isolated spot with yet another Korok, who's name is unknown. Unknown Korok is apparently making some kind of juice out of some kind of berries and leaves)  
  
Linder: ok, we've gotten them to their rooms master.  
  
Hooded guy (or is it a girl?): Are they totally unaware of our plans?  
  
Lamear: Medli seems totally unaware my master.   
  
Hooded guy/girl: Excellent. And Link?  
  
Linder: he seems a little more suspicious, but knows nothing.  
  
Hooded Guy/Girl: hmm... Put a slight bit less in his.  
  
Linder: My lord forgive me but wouldn't that make the sedatives ineffective.  
  
Hooded Guy/Girl: I guess there is a threat of that. (takes something out of her/his cloak.) Use this if he does not become sedated enough.  
  
Linder: but... I thought you wanted him alive?  
  
Hooded Guy/Girl: Yes I do. This is a gun filled with sleeping agent darts. I would like him to remain a little conscious while I work him, but if I cannot afford that luxury I guess I will have to do it later in a different place.  
  
Lamear: you told us your plan with link... but what about the winged girl?  
  
Hooded Guy/Girl: The sedatives will make her loose touch with her conscious mind. She will then be as helpless as a sheep in a bear cave. You can have your ways with her as you wish. Kill her after you're done.  
  
(all the koroks groan)  
  
everyone but the hooded dude: awww do we have to?  
  
Hooded Guy/Girl: I'm afraid you do. The sedatives will not last forever. If you leave her alive she will come to here senses eventually. If that is to ever happen, she could destroy us. No, she cannot be allowed to live.   
  
Lamear: and the Author?  
  
Hooded Guy/Girl: He might make a problem for you, but I wouldn't bet on it.  
  
Cinte: they are done, master.  
  
Hooded Guy/Girl: excellent. You know what to do now.   
  
(Link and Medli are both served the poison drinks)  
  
Link: Hey wait a minute... this shit tastes strange... OH MY GOD!!! I'VE BEEN BUGGED! YOU! YOU'RE AN AGENT OF TETRA! DIE YOU-  
  
(Linder shoots link with the Dart gun he got from the Hooded Guy/Girl.)  
  
Linder: Ah well... time to have some fun ^_^  
  
(while Linder leaves the room, link is having a strange dream...)  
  
(Link is standing In the middle of a big, Black room (you know the kind that you see when people talk to you about the triforce, gannon, master sword, etc in normal Zelda games? Link is looking around when a mysterious voice rings out from beyond...)  
  
???: Liiiiiiiiinnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkk.....  
  
Link: Wha? Where Am I? What is this place?  
  
???: Link, This is the author of the story speaking to you.  
  
Link: Yes satan?  
  
Rylasasin: NO NO NO THAT'S NOT MY NAME YOU ASS!!!  
  
Link: well you may as well be for what you wrote up there, RylASSasin!  
  
Rylasasin: what??? I needed to make a plot for myself  
  
Link: NOOOO!!!! GET ME OUT HERE!!!! I NEED TO SAVE HER!!!  
  
Rylasasin: she's just fine... for right now anyways.. I need to tell you some things.   
  
(Meanwhile, Medli's room)  
  
(Medli is clutching her head as if she's trying to force something to out of it)  
  
Linder: this sucks. Its been a half-hour, and she's STILL not cracked yet.   
  
Lamear: I say we just-  
  
Cinte: No, its working. She's strong, I'll give her that. We have to wait this out. If we rush in the poison will flow too much and it might affect us too. Wait.  
  
Linder: FINE...  
  
(link's dream)  
  
Rylasasin: ...she's using a spell on the Koroks to make them obey her. Medli has now lost her mind to the poison unfourtunately..  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Rylasasin: Calm down! There is still time. The poison is not lethal, it will wear off in less than an hour. I will use my author power to boost you back to conciousness.   
  
(a Bright light fills the room)  
  
Link: wait I-  
  
(Medli's room)  
  
Linder: I've had enough of this. Cinte, your poison is not working at all-  
  
(Medli suddenly lets out a slight grunt and falls to the floor)  
  
Cinte: you were saying something about my poison not being of any effect...  
  
Linder: shut up.  
  
Lamer-umm I mean Lamear: alright! Now for some fun! I call 'gina!  
  
Cinte: I call mouth!  
  
Linder: fuck you two. I always get the ass.  
  
Lamear: we never do this.  
  
Linder: huh? Oh yeah.  
  
(Link's room)  
  
(Link is lying on the floor face-flat, eyes closed. Suddenly, both eyes open in shock. He gets up immediately)  
  
Link: could he be telling the truth? Oh my god, Medli!  
  
Will link and Medli escape Four-ass Haven? Or will tetra and her korok allies have their way? Find out in the next Icky episode of Wind Wanker! 


	9. Escape From FourAss Island

I no own Zelda, Metroid, Starfox, Mechwarrior 3, etc. what else is new?  
  
Previously on Wind Wanker:   
  
Tetra: YOU IDIOTS!!! These are not them! You've captured... THEIR STUNT DOUBLES!!!!!  
  
--  
  
Kora: lets go to umm... what was that place again... Four-Ass Haven?  
  
--  
  
Hooded guy/girl: Are they totally unaware of our plans?  
  
Lamear: Medli seems totally unaware my master.   
  
Hooded guy/girl: Excellent. And Link?  
  
Linder: he seems a little more suspicious, but knows nothing.  
  
--  
  
Link: Hey wait a minute... this shit tastes strange... OH MY GOD!!! I'VE BEEN BUGGED! YOU! YOU'RE AN AGENT OF TETRA! DIE YOU-  
  
(Linder shoots link with the Dart gun he got from the Hooded Guy/Girl.)  
  
--  
  
Rylasasin: Calm down! There is still time. The poison is not lethal, it will wear off in less than an hour. I will use my author power to boost you back to conciousness.   
  
(a Bright light fills the room)  
  
--  
  
(Link is lying on the floor face-flat, eyes closed. Suddenly, both eyes open in shock. He gets up immediately)  
  
Link: could he be telling the truth? Oh my god, Medli!  
  
Note: This chapter is Revised. I was loosing reveiwers because of it... so in order to save the story I had to rework the plot a slight bit...   
  
Btw:   
  
Chapter 9: Escape from Four-ass Haven  
  
(Link runs out of his room and comes to the door in which Medli is... its locked though.)  
  
Link: Damn how do I get through this damn thing?  
  
Rylasasin: it appears as if you are too late.  
  
Link: great. just great.  
  
Rylasasin: ok, listen. I'll give you one last chance to make it on time. but ya gotta do it this time, or your screwed. got it?  
  
Link: You mean you'll break down the door for me?  
  
Rylasasin: no. I'll do better.   
  
*the walls and everything around link suddenly begin to get watery, and eventually fade away revealing blackness...*  
  
Link: What's happening?  
  
Rylasasin: You'll understand it when you see it for yourself.  
  
*The world comes back, but now link is in his bedroom again...*  
  
Link: why you send me back in my room ryl... RYL?!  
  
*linder walks in holding a drink. Link can see he has a gun on his side... then it clicks in his brain*  
  
Link: *thinking* Wait... now I get it. you reset the timeline didn't you?  
  
Rylasasin: *in links thoughts* yep.  
  
Link:*thinking* I fell before because I was shot. How do I stop this from happening twice?  
  
Rylasasin: *in links thoughts* I donno, try blinding him.  
  
Link:*thinking* good idea.   
  
*linder gives link the cup, link pretends he is about to drink it, but suddenly throws it at Linder's face. Linder doesn't close his eyes in time and takes the full brunt of both the poison and the water in them.*  
  
Linder:OW!!! what the hell? ACK I"M BLIND!!!  
  
Link: Did you really think i'd fall for that "put the poison in the cup" trick?!  
  
Linder: Hey how did YOU know it was poisoned?! its supposed to be scentless!  
  
Link: Because you dumbass you just told me.  
  
Linder: shit. GU-  
  
*Linder gets gaged by link as link takes his dart gun and uses it on linder*  
  
Link: Thank you ryl.  
  
Rylasasin: Don't thank me get moving ya fool. hurry before the past repeats itself.  
  
*link runs to the room just as The other two koroks are serving medli her drink.*  
  
Link: MELDIDONTDRINKTHATITSPOISONED!!!  
  
Medli: AH! *accidently throws her drink into the wall  
  
Cinte: What The?  
  
Lamear: Shit. Someone spilled the beans. Dammit!!!! well now I guess we got to shoot first and run later..  
  
*Both take out guns but before they get the chance to use them the ceiling falls down on them*  
  
Lamear: This is bulls-*Dies*  
  
Medli: What was that all about?  
  
Link: Had you have drinked that you would have died. I don't know whats with these guys, but they've poisoned the drinks.  
  
Medli: WHAT?!  
  
Link: Whats worse they would have killed us if the roof didn't fall down on them.   
  
*they hear a bunch of angry noises as other Koroks are trying to flee the Isle.   
  
Link: Whats going on?!  
  
Random Korok: You guys are alright! we thought those traitors got you.   
  
Medli: well they almost did.  
  
Random Korok2: THEY"RE COMMING! EVERYBODY RUN!!  
  
Link: We'd better leave...  
  
(King of Red Arwings flys through the hole in the roof)  
  
King of Red Arwings: QUICK! Get in! I'll explain later.  
  
(they get in the KORA and they take off just before the island Explodes).  
  
Link: Just what was that?  
  
King of Red Arwings: That was caused by Tetra...  
  
Link and Medli: WHAT?  
  
King of Red Arwings: yes, She got so mad she decided to nuke the island.  
  
Medli: Just Peachy. Now she has Nuclear weapons on top of that too.  
  
King of Red Arwings: I really don't know where to go now... Anywhere we stay will probably get hit with missiles just the same.   
  
Link: What about Hyrule? Maybe there is some hope there.  
  
King of Red Arwings: hmm... that might work.  
  
I do hope Luarian forgives me for the old Chap 9... I really have no clue on what I was thinking when I wrote it. it won't happen again ok? btw I'm heavily thinking about making a medlink yahoo group... oh and one more thing... Annonymus reveiwers now allowed. sorry I didn't even realize my "Refuse annonymus reveiwers " option was on. it's off now though. 


	10. Emoclew ot Moonside

I no own Zelda, Metroid, Starfox, Earthbound, etc. what else is new?  
  
Narration: now we will be sort of-  
  
(Narrator gets Slapped with a large trout)  
  
Narration: ok ok we will REALLY be getting back to the insanity. Now we will take Medli and link on a little trip… a trip to a world that has no sun, no moon, No apparent color meaning, and finally appsolutely no sense at all… Emoclew ot Moonside (try reading the first two words backwords)  
  
Chapter 10: Moonside  
  
King of Red Arwings: Hey guess what guys, I found something on a strange island… I don't know what it is but we should go there for no apparent reason and look at it because umm… we're nosy.  
  
Medli: sounds like a good idea.  
  
Link: Where too?  
  
King of Red Arwings: Barney island.  
  
Link: awww man.  
  
(Barney island)  
  
(Wild Barneys are singing the "I love you" song)  
  
Medli: hey look at that! A secret passage!  
  
Link: *is holding ears* what?!  
  
Medli: SECRET PASSASGE!!!  
  
Link: LETS GO BEFORE THESE BARNEYS KILL US!!!  
  
Inside secret cave  
  
(they open a door)  
  
Link and Medli: ??????  
  
(scene around them changes, Walls dissapear, they are standing in a street in what appears to be a city, all the buildings are painted in black (as is everything else apparently.), only outlined by flashing neon lights)  
  
Medli: just where is this place?  
  
Link: why not ask that guy over there?  
  
Man: Emoclew ot Moonside.  
  
Link and Medli: What?  
  
Man: You need help?  
  
Medli: yes.  
  
Man: then go away  
  
Link: What crawled up your ass and died?  
  
Man: you need yes help, so go away.  
  
Medli: this place is on crack.  
  
Man: no its on Mani-Mani.  
  
Link: ???  
  
Medli: What the hell is that thing over there?  
  
Blue Cow: I'm a blue moo. What else did you expect, A white and black moo?  
  
Link: Well, yeah.  
  
Blue Moo: White and black moo? HAHAHAHA that's the most retarded thing I ever heard of. Btw should I tell you something?  
  
Medli: No  
  
Blue Moo: Ok then here it goes. Yes means No in Moonside and vise versa. So "Yes" is "No" and "No" is "Yes". Get it?  
  
Medli: ye- er I mean no.  
  
Blue Moo: you're catching on.  
  
Link: Is there a way out of Moonside?  
  
Blue Moo: Yes.  
  
Link: How?  
  
Blue Moo: I said YES, there isn't.  
  
Medli: Crap.  
  
(just then navi flys up to them… )  
  
Navi: Emoclew ot Moonside, Yeh! Kool! NetsiL!  
  
Link: The hell?  
  
Navi: want some weed?  
  
Medli: Yes.  
  
Navi: aww man you're lame. Eybdoog!   
  
Medli: you know link, this place is creepy.   
  
Link: yeah, its worse than Four-Ass haven.  
  
(Suddenly a bunch of giant Hotdogs with legs come running up to them… and start to slap link and medli with… um… themselves)  
  
Link: ACK! HELP! IM GOING TO DIE FROM HOT DOGS!  
  
(Medli Tries to swat it with the harp, but it gets broken into 999999 bits.)  
  
Link: RUN FOR IT!!!  
  
(They run but get cornered into a back ally)  
  
Link: Oh gods oh gods where to now?! Damn where trapped…  
  
Medli: Link, there is one thing I've always wanted to do with you… but unless I do it now… I won't get to do it.  
  
Link: do what?  
  
Medli: THIS! (Graps link and kisses him full on, they continue making out when suddenly all the hotdogs…)  
  
(…get beaten up by Rabid M&M minis)  
  
Link: the hell?  
  
M&M minis: YAHAHA! Save the Wind Bass! Lets go Buy dune buggies! We need some weed! AHHAHAHA! (they fly off)  
  
Retardo (retardo is the guy that gets the little yellow arrows above his head and asked you to save maggie): I NEED MAGGIE! I NEED MAGGIE!   
  
Link: Who's Maggie?  
  
Medli: and why do you need Maggie?  
  
Retardo: Welcome to Moonside, Emoclew ot Edisnoom! Emoclew ot Moon edis!  
  
Link: wow… he's retarded even for a moonsidian.  
  
Medli: Yes he is.  
  
Retardo: I NEED MAGGIE! I NEED MAGGIE! SAVE MAGGIE FROM RABID PEENESES!  
  
Link: well ok but you gotta tell us how to get out of here!  
  
Retardo: well… ok I'll tell you. But save Maggie ok?  
  
Link: No.  
  
Retardo: thank you.  
  
So… Link and Medli are starting to make their way in a world they might be in forever, or they might not. Can they make it? Only time can tell. 


	11. RomaniMani attacks!

Let me just say... I am NOT dead! Its just that a lot of stuff has happened recently. I came down with two deaseases: a left-side ear infection and the far more virulent writers block. Also, school has started. Its just by a godsend that I was finally able to overcome my writers block and write this chapter. Now that I have a new plot to work with, expect more stories whenever the Ear thing and school don't prevent me from doing so. BTW if you know where there are any other Medlink sites or medlink stuff plz tell me ok? Thanx.  
  
I no own Zelda, Metroid, Starfox, Earthbound, etc. what else is new?  
  
Chapter 11:  
  
Link: ok just where is this "Maggie" idiot?  
  
Medli: try asking that guy over there.  
  
Link: Hello?  
  
Guy: Hello... and goodbye!  
  
Link: wh-  
  
(they get teleported to another area)  
  
Link: What the fuck?!  
  
Medli: ummm hi mr!  
  
Yet another guy: Hello and goodbye!  
  
(they get teleported to another area)  
  
Link: Dammit!  
  
Medli: ok no more talking to guys.  
  
Link: HEY MAN YA GOT STUFF?  
  
Man: Hello... and goodbye!  
  
(they get teleported again)  
  
Medli: LINK!!!  
  
Link: What?  
  
Medli: NO MORE TALKING TO PEOPLE!!  
  
Link: fine... geez what did I do?  
  
Medli: *sigh*  
  
(Link and Medli try to get back to the city, but they seem to be blocked by invisible walls)  
  
Medli: aww now what?  
  
Link: -_-  
  
Medli: oh... wait... I get it. We have to talk to the people to send us to...  
  
Link: Where?  
  
Medli: How the hell am I supposed to know?  
  
Link: :-P  
  
Medli: hey, you! They guy with the gay tropical shirt on!  
  
Man: hello... and goodbye ya fucking asses  
  
(they get teleported... into a room with no walls all around it and no door. There is a man that sort of looks like Mr. T in it and it appears as if there is a shadow of another guy in there.)  
  
Link: grrr. Fucking moonside.  
  
Medli: uh... hello?  
  
Mr. T impersonator: what? You need help foo? Talk to my partner over there. I'm too busy doing nothing.  
  
Link: oooookaay....  
  
Mr. T impersonator: What? You can't see him foo?  
  
(they randomly try taking around the room until)  
  
???: heh heh can you actually see me?  
  
Link: no way  
  
???: hahahaha you can huh? You've become a true moonsidian.  
  
Link: That's it, this place is fucked up. Hey you! Where's the door?!  
  
Mr. T impersonator: You lookin' for a door foo? Well ya ain't gonna find one. Now get out of my face ya loser, and quit interrupting my all important task of doing nothing.  
  
(they get teleported to another room. A bedroom it appears like)  
  
???: hey its me. There's something interesting about you two, so I'm gonna be a complete annoyance and follow you. Don't worry, if you get into a fight I'll be lame and get hurt in it.  
  
(they walk out the door... to find it's a hotel. Woopie :P)  
  
???: my tooth is gold.  
  
(they walk out of the hotel)  
  
???: hey check it out... I got connected eyelids. LOL  
  
(Retardo runs up to him)  
  
Retardo: Where's Maggie? Welsome mo tooncide  
  
???: What?! You fag.  
  
Retardo: YOU DARE RESIST THE GREAT RETARDO?!  
  
???: bring it on!  
  
(Battle swirl envelops the world)  
  
Retardo has blocked your way!  
  
??? tries PSI freeze Alpha!  
  
130 HP of damage to Retardo!  
  
Link attacks!  
  
40 HP of damage! to Retardo!  
  
Medli attacks!  
  
34 HP of damage to Retardo!  
  
Retardo is acting like a moron.  
  
??? Tries Psi Fire beta!  
  
110 HP of damage to Retardo!  
  
Link throws the bomb!  
  
100 HP of damage to Retardo!  
  
Medli is on guard  
  
Retardo Attacks!  
  
SMAAAAAASH!!!!  
  
80 HP of damage to Link!  
  
??? uses Physical shield omega!  
  
???'s body is protected by the power shield!  
  
Link's body is protected by the power shield!  
  
Medli's Body is protected by the power shield!  
  
Link takes out the can of Coke and drinks it!  
  
Link recovered 60 HP!  
  
Medli tries PSI lifeup alpha!  
  
Link's HP is maxed out!  
  
Retardo trys PSI Fart Omega!  
  
90 HP damage to link!  
  
110 Mortal Damage to Medli!  
  
60 HP damage to ???!  
  
Medli got hurt and collapsed!  
  
(menus turn redish like in earthbound etc)  
  
??? tries PSI healing Omega!  
  
Medli is revived!  
  
(menus turn back to normal)  
  
Link trys launching the bottle rocket!   
  
But it doesn't work.  
  
Retardo called for help!  
  
Ruto wannabe A joined the battle!  
  
Medli Tried PSI starstorm Alpha!  
  
300 HP of damage to Retardo!  
  
Retardo Turned back to normal! (translation for people who never played earthbound: Retardo was defeated)  
  
999HP damage to Ruto wannabe A!  
  
Ruto wannabe A was totally annihilated!  
  
YOU WON!  
  
Ex blah blah blah  
  
*end battle scene*  
  
Link: just what the hell was that all about?  
  
Rylasasin: recently I played earthbound again so I'm changing the plot yet again. Expect a lot more Earthbound-battles. Cheers ^_^  
  
Link: and just how the hell is Medli able to use PSI?  
  
Rylasasin: well... uh.... Umm... its earthbound, right? Actually you have them too, just not the same ones.   
  
Link: well...  
  
Rylasasin: I know what your getting at. I mean come on she's got to have SOMETHING!!!!   
  
Link: -_-*  
  
Rylasasin: fine, I'll take the stupid PSI away when you guys are done with the freakin earthbound plot.  
  
Link: and when will that be?  
  
Rylasasin: In 2012.  
  
Link: 'DOH!  
  
Medli: ehem... mani mani or whatever?  
  
Link: riiiiight...  
  
(they go up to the salor guy)  
  
Sailor guy: up ahead is the mani-mani statue but I'm gonna stop you right here. HUZZA! You really supprised me there! It's the man who has a gold tooth and an connected eyebrows! Hey pal, why not dump these freaks and lets get somthin to drink?  
  
???: your on!  
  
(the sailor goes away)  
  
(they walk up to the statue, there is someone in front of it)  
  
Medli: ehem...  
  
(the figure turns around and is revealed to be...  
  
Zelda?!)  
  
"Zelda": EK! Don't hurt me! I... I am not Zelda!!!  
  
("Zelda" disappears, link and Medli walk up to the statue)  
  
Text in little box : It's a Golden statue that you have seen before. Well maybe not. But whatever...  
  
(Battle swirl engulfs the screen- er I mean world)  
  
Evil RoMani Mani attacks!  
  
Link trys Psi Rockin Beta!  
  
214 HP of damage to Evil RoMani-Mani!  
  
Medli tries PSI Starstorm Alpha!  
  
271 HP of damage to Evil RoMani-Mani!  
  
Evil RoMani-Mani tried PSI shield Alpha!  
  
Evil RoMani-Mani was protected by the psychic shield!  
  
Link tries PSI Rockin Alpha!  
  
Evil RoMani-Mani's Psycic shield made PSI rockin Alpha disappear!  
  
Medli Attacks!  
  
34 HP of damage to Evil RoMani-Mani!  
  
Evil RoMani-Mani tries PSI Lighting Beta!  
  
It didn't hit anyone!  
  
It didn't hit anyone!  
  
Medli attacks!  
  
31 HP of damage to Evil RoMani-Mani!  
  
Link tries PSI rockin alpha!  
  
Evil RoMani-Mani's Psycic shield made PSI rockin Alpha disappear!  
  
Evil RoMani-Mani's Psycic shield disappeared!  
  
Evil RoMani-Mani tries PSI freeze Gamma!  
  
340 Mortal Damage to Medli!  
  
Medli got hurt and Collapsed!  
  
Link Used the secret herb!  
  
Medli was revived!  
  
Evil RoMani-Mani Tried lifeup beta!  
  
Evil RoMani-Mani recovered 140 HP!  
  
Medli tried PSI shield Beta!  
  
Link's body was protected by the Psycic shield!  
  
Medli's body was protected by the Pyscic shield!  
  
Link Attacked!  
  
SMAAAAASH!!!  
  
140 HP of damage to Evil RoMani-Mani!  
  
Medli Threw the super bomb!  
  
340 HP to Evil RoMani-Mani!  
  
Evil RoMani-Mani tries PSI fire Omega!  
  
Link's Psychic shield made PSI Fire Omega Disappear!  
  
Medli's Psychic shield made PSI Fire Omega Disappear!  
  
Link attacks!  
  
Just missed!  
  
Medli attacks!  
  
SMAAAAASH!!!  
  
120 HP of damage to Evil RoMani-Mani!!  
  
Evil RoMani-Mani was broken into pieces!  
  
YOU WON!  
  
Exp blah blah blah  
  
*end battle scene*  
  
(moonside turns white, then Medli appear... in a backroom of somekind?)  
  
Text in a box: The RoMani-mani statue was actually a device that created illusions. The illusion device was destroyed.  
  
Link: then why do we still see these damn text boxes?!  
  
Text in a box: well its better than Narators isn't it?!  
  
Link: well... I guess.  
  
(they get out. They are in a bar or café or something. They walk out of it to find they are in... a city?!)  
  
LOL... wind wanker has been revived! Finally Rylasasin has come over his sickness of the epidemic known as writer's block. Ok as you have seen this will adapt a new plot... the earthbound plot. If I get bored with it I will think up of something else and have them fight giygas right away.   
  
And another thing... before you flame about the Romani-mani thing, let me tell you I HAVE NOTHING against romani. Its just that its obviously easier to spoof mani-mani by using romani (all you do is add RO to the begging of it) than say Zelda or Naburoo or *Gulp* Ruto. Don't worry I'll probably spoof a few others elsewhere. LOL. Thank you! Oh and R&R. I need those reviews.   
  
(a guy from moonside walks into the conversation)  
  
Rylasasin: hey how did you get here?!  
  
Guy: Hello... and Goodbye!  
  
(you get teleported to the next chapter) 


	12. Yet another day in fourside

I no own Zelda, Metroid, Starfox, Earthbound, etc. what else is new?  
  
Rylasasin: Ok ok first things first, the news.   
  
Rylasasin: First off, I would like to thank my hit fan Caseys_Cheesey_Life for supporting my story all the way.   
  
Rylasasin: Also, the yahoo group is up and ready. Its at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/medlink  
  
Rylasasin: ok ok so its rather empty etc, but that's were you come in, yes, YOU!!!   
  
Uncle Sam: I want YOU to join Rylasasin's Medlink yahoo group and put more pictures in there.   
  
Rylasasin: yes thank you. And don't forget about medlink fanfiction.  
  
This chapter may get a little boring but it's a plot device, so relax. I'll try to humorify it as much as possible, but I can't guarentee anything.   
  
(Link and Medli get to the Montr- er I mean Zelda building)  
  
(they get in elevator)  
  
Lady: this elevator goes directy to the 84548373965th floor.   
  
Link: oh gods...  
  
Lady, hey quit standing behind me and staring at my hips!  
  
Link: Are you programmed to say that?  
  
Lady: Error! This program has performed an illegal operation. And will be shut down.  
  
Link: damn robots and their windows 95 software programs.  
  
(Medli pushes a button that says "go directly to Zelda. Do not pass go, do not collect $200" on it)  
  
Medli: Dumb joke.  
  
(suddenly through the elevator a guy holding a box that says "GO" is visible. Just then the elevator jams and they fall to the bottom.)  
  
Medli and Link: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(The elevator... Lands without a scratch?!)  
  
Medli: what the hell?  
  
(they get out of the elevator. Suddenly they see two 100 dollar bills siting on the ground. They both leap at them and each get one... only to discover its play money.  
  
Link: Bad joke?  
  
Medli: Shut up.  
  
Link: ok where's Zelda?  
  
Medli: would that be her behind that door?  
  
(they both bust through the door.)  
  
Zelda: !!!  
  
(she runs behind the desk and ducks like a coward, and Shivers as if it were 30 below zero in there.)  
  
Zelda: NO! DON'T LET PHAGE GET ME!!!  
  
Medli: Phage?!  
  
Phage The Untoutchable ( http://www.findmagiccards.com/Cards/LE/Phage_the_Untouchable.html ): HAHAHA!!! IT IS I!!! PHAGE THE UNTOUCHABLE! I SHALL NOW GIVE ZELDA THE RIGHT HAND OF DOOM!   
  
Link: That was soooooo lame.  
  
Medli: and you REALLY need a makeover.  
  
Phage: Shut up bird girl. I'm coming after YOU as soon as I'm done with Princess Prissy. NOW WITNESS MY POWER OF EXTREME OBSURDITY!!!  
  
(Phage slaps Zelda, and Zelda screams at this, and she rots on the spot due to phage's power of decay or whatever.)  
  
link: holy crap!  
  
Medli: Hey cool do that to ruto!!!  
  
Phage: Now to give you a birdshit makeover.  
  
(battle swirl)  
  
Phage the Untouchable has trapped you!  
  
Link tries Physical Shield Beta!  
  
Medli's body was protected by the power shield!  
  
Phage the Untouchable attacks!  
  
SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!  
  
999HP of mortal Damage to Medli!  
  
The Power shield Reflected the attack!  
  
500 HP of Damage to Phage the Untouchable!  
  
Medli got hurt and collapsed...  
  
Link tries PSI Rockin beta!  
  
10 HP of damage to Phage the Untouchable!  
  
Phage attacks!  
  
SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!  
  
1998 HP of Damage to link  
  
Link got hurt and collapsed!  
  
You lost the battle-  
  
Suddenly an angel-like figure breaks through the wall!  
  
... Its Akroma, Angel of Wrath!  
  
Akroma uses the mirari!  
  
Medli was revived!  
  
Link was revived!  
  
Phage's Sudden death powers are gone!  
  
Akroma's Offense went up by 999!!!  
  
Akroma's Defense went up by 999!!!  
  
Phage the Untouchable attacks!  
  
1 HP of damage to link!  
  
Akroma attacks!  
  
SMAAAAAAAAASH!!!!  
  
9999999999999 HP of damage to Phage the Untouchable!  
  
Phage the untouchable returned to the dust of the earth  
  
YOU WON!!!!  
  
You gained lots of EXP etc etc.  
  
(end battle)  
  
Akroma: During the game by this time there were SUPPOSED to be three people but with a lack of people to spoof and the link/Medli pairings, I got the job. So let me join k?  
  
Medli: I don't know, I -  
  
Link: Medli! What do you mean you don't know! Of course you can join!  
  
Medli: Link?!  
  
Link: well we'd be dead if it wasn't for her, and she is INSANELY powerful.  
  
Medli: how could you tell?  
  
Link: I lost 10 magic the gathering games to that card.  
  
Medli: -_-*  
  
(Akroma joins the group)  
  
Akroma: now we got to go to uh.... Summers  
  
Medli: Why?  
  
Akroma: Because I said so.  
  
Medli: Whatever.  
  
Link: uhhh how we get to summers?  
  
Akroma: I don't know, teleport?  
  
Medli: uh one problem with that... WE HAVEN"T BEEN THERE YET SO WE CAN'T TELEPORT THERE!  
  
Akroma: so I'm stupid. So sue me.  
  
Link: wait... you're an angel, so lets go!  
  
Akroma: huh? Oh, DUH!!! What the hell was I thinking?!  
  
(Akroma takes link. Akroma and Medli fly to summers)  
  
ok What's gonna happen in summers? Can't tell ya. LOL!!!! 


	13. Urza, Magic cake, and a Kraken

I no own Zelda, Metroid, Starfox, Earthbound, etc. what else is new?  
  
JOIN MY YAHOO GROUP!!!  
  
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/medlink/  
  
Chap 13: More Magic Cameos  
  
Link: Hey cool a Beach!  
  
Medli: Link...  
  
Link: Yeah?   
  
Medli: There's Beaches back home :P.  
  
Link: Huh? Oh yeah duh. :(  
  
Akroma: Hey look Magic Cake!  
  
Medli: ???  
  
Link: Wats Magic Cake?  
  
Akroma: Just shaddap and try it.  
  
(They all go and buy and eat magic cake)  
  
Link: I feel weird...  
  
(Medli looks like she isn't feeling well either)  
  
Akroma: I forgot to mention, it does stuff to hylians...  
  
Medli: Yeah now ya tell us ya idiot.  
  
Akroma: Stfu dizzy bird-girl...  
  
(the screen- er world seems to drift in either direction)  
  
Text in the Box: Link fell asleep and had a dream. It was a very strange and clear dream.  
  
Text on screen:   
  
DALAAM  
  
A flying country, what the fuck?  
  
Prince Poo, Crown Prince of Dalaam. Whatever.  
  
Poo's Master: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Mu Training Blah Blah blah blah. now get out of here.  
  
Poo: Yes massa.  
  
(Poo walks out of castle)  
  
(Poo walks out to the place of nothingness (A very tall place yadda yadda yadda)  
  
Stupid Star Guy: I once finished Mu training, and I am researching how to be annoying. LOL. now go train and be annoyed by my annoying annoyingness!  
  
(Guy disappears)  
  
Poo: Dumbass.  
  
(climbs up the rope)  
  
(poo begins to meditate)  
  
Voice: POO!  
  
Poo: Not on my land! I just got done spending +$1000 bucks getting it washed...  
  
Voice: POO! You must stop your meditation immediately  
  
Poo: Shaddap.  
  
Voice: Because your master wishes it.  
  
Poo: Wishes are banned in onslaught block constructed.  
  
Voice: ???  
  
Poo: Magic the gathering Joke.  
  
Voice: Poo, stop, now! I am your ancestor.  
  
Poo: yeah, I'm your Decendant, and we don't get excited about THAT now do we?  
  
Voice: Thats it...  
  
(Big mean looking ghost head comes and takes up same place that poo is)  
  
Mu: I will now take your Arms for no apparent reason than to follow the pointless plot of earthbound. Do you accept this?  
  
(Mu takes arms off. actually it isn't those horrifing scenes you see in zombie movies, the arms just pop off and no blood or anything comes form them. how odd.)  
  
Mu: I will now take your Legs and feed them to the crows. You will loose use of them. do you except this?  
  
(Mu takes his legs off)  
  
Now you can only lie there and listen. I will now take your ears. etc.  
  
(Mu takes poo's hearing)  
  
Text in a box: Now you cannot hear, you can only see what the fuck i'm saying by this gay-ass text box. I will take your seeing away so you cannot see it.  
  
(poo goes blind)  
  
Text in a box: blah blah blah mind blah blah blah take blah blah .  
  
(Poo comes out of his meditation. his arms and everything... are back on. LOL  
  
Poo: This Mu training is crap. I know I should have done yoga instead!  
  
Text in a box: You have completed the final trial of Mu training! now go see master and tell him to fuck off!!!  
  
(poo goes to master)  
  
Master: Congragulations! you have passed the mu training! now go join the chosen four before they kill each other.  
  
(poo teleports away)  
  
(a little while before)  
  
(the gang of three is playing a game of magic the gathering with... DUM DUM DUM tetra. Akroma is playing a 1vs1 game vs tetra, and medli and link are playing a 1vs1 game against each other.)  
  
Akroma: and I will cycle akromas vengence and slide your tetra, idiot of doom out, then I will play wrath of god and kill all creatures. go.  
  
Tetra: Fuck you. (draws a card) shit. uhh... go  
  
Akroma: at the end of your turn, I will play Medli's edict, and you need to sacrifice a pirate. if that pirate happens to be a card called "tetra, idiot of doom", I win the game.   
  
Tetra: but I only have tetra idiot of doom, you killed everyone else...  
  
Akroma: I win ya idiot.   
  
Tetra: WHY YOU!!! (gets in a fight with akroma, Akroma wins and tetra appears dead but then she uses zelda powers and kills akroma. akromas big ass sword flys out of her hands and lands right on tetra, so they are both dead)  
  
Medli: uhhhhh did you hear somthing?  
  
Link: ummm.... (looks in both directions)Nn-nnoooooooo....  
  
Medli: (looks left) aww crap akroma and tetra killed themselves. Oh wait, thats a good thing ^_^  
  
Link: Great! no more akroma to complain about us makin out!  
  
Medli: oooooohhhhh liiink are you ...  
  
Link: well I wasn't really asking for it but oh well here it goes  
  
(Medli and link's lips are about an inch apart when)  
  
Poo: ok ick that is just nasty a bird girl and human boy makin out! ick!  
  
???: shaddap I think they'd make a great pair!   
  
(Link and medli break away instantly)  
  
Link: Ok just who the fuck interupted our- WOAH!!! YOU ARE THE BEST MAN!! GOD I NEED TO GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH!!!  
  
Poo: well thanks I didn't know I was that popular, actually I did because I am the prince of-  
  
Link: shut up ya zelink pusher I was talking to the guy behind ya!  
  
(poo turns around to see...)  
  
Medli: Urza the Planeswalker?!  
  
Urza: Yeah I came in as a replacement for Akroma.   
  
Link: But didn't you die in Apocolypse?  
  
Urza: Hell no! me and yawgmoth just got teleported to different fanfictions. I got teleported here. I wonder where Yawgmoth went to.  
  
Rylasasin: uhh to answer that question he ended up in a fanfiction called "Phyrexian Hyrule". anyone who is reading this I highly suggest you read that one too, even though I did NOT make it lol.  
  
Urza: well good for him. anyway will you guys be needing a replacement for akrmoa?  
  
Link and Medli: YES!!!  
  
Urza: Cool!  
  
text in a box:Poo and Urza have Joined you.   
  
Poo: alright... where do we go now?  
  
Urza: hmm... I sense... we need to go to scaraba.  
  
Link: ok lets see if the fisher dude can take us.  
  
(over at the dock)  
  
Captain: Arr! me wife stoped making magic cake: How can I kil- er Thank you?  
  
Link: take us to scaraba.  
  
Captain: okkkie that'll be 40 bucks per person.  
  
Link: shit we don't have that-  
  
(urza forks over the 160 bucks)  
  
Link: your a lifesaver man!  
  
Urza: hey I AM a planeswalker ya know. one can't walk planes for over 4000 years and not get rich in some way ^_^  
  
Captain: ok get on the damn boat.  
  
(they get on the boat)  
  
(after a while)  
  
Captain: blarh blarh blarh blarh blarh.  
  
(little while later)  
  
Captain: Blarh Blarh blarh blarh blarh kraken blarh blarh blarh blarh  
  
(after a while the sky turns dark, and the Kraken appears)  
  
Captain: HERE IT COMES!!!  
  
(battle swirl)  
  
The Kraken has Appeared!  
  
Link attacks!  
  
10 HP of damage to the Kraken!  
  
Medli attacks!  
  
7 HP of damage to the Kraken!  
  
Urza attacks!  
  
100 hp of damage to the Kraken!  
  
Poo Attacks!  
  
50 HP of damage the Kraken!  
  
The Kraken sets up the text the zero wing mode!  
  
Link get feel strange...  
  
Medli get feel strange...  
  
Urza no effected. effect no get feel strange.  
  
Poo get feel strange...  
  
The Kraken get feel strange...  
  
Link feel strange  
  
Main Link attack!  
  
Poo get set up 230 HP mortal damage  
  
Poo get collapse faint.  
  
Medli on guard  
  
The Kraken feel strange...  
  
Main the Kraken attack!  
  
The Kraken Get set up 54 HP of damage!  
  
urza set up the text the secret herb for great justice!  
  
The text went back to normal!  
  
Medli went back to normal!  
  
Link went back to normal!  
  
The Kraken went back to normal!  
  
Link tries PSI Rockin Beta!  
  
210 HP of damamge to the Kraken!  
  
Medli tries PSI freeze Gamma!  
  
453 HP of damage to the Kraken!   
  
Urza uses the Legacy Weapon part A!!!  
  
1203 HP of damage to the Kraken!  
  
The Kraken breaths Fire!  
  
210 Hp of damage to link!  
  
348 HP of mortal damage to medli!  
  
urza took out the large pizza and everyone ate it!  
  
Link's HP is maxed out!  
  
Medli's HP is maxed out!  
  
Urza's HP is maxed out!  
  
Link attacks!  
  
SMAAAAAASH!!!!  
  
100 HP of damage to the Kraken!  
  
Medli tries PSI freeze beta!  
  
246 HP of damage!  
  
The Kraken sets up the text the zero wing mode!  
  
Link get feel strange...  
  
Medli get feel strange...  
  
Urza no effected. effect no get feel strange.  
  
The Kraken was defeated  
  
All the Win are belong to You!  
  
Everyone get set up 2342 'EXP'  
  
(Battle get set up the end)  
  
Captain: Wow! the Kraken Get died!  
  
Link: please not talk that.... What! me talk crap too! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
Captain: we continue sail Scaraba. you be famous!  
  
Medli: Urza fix text!  
  
Urza: can't fix text can't take off any secret herbs.  
  
All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
Will the crappy zero wing-style text haunt us for the rest of the game er fiction? Can anyone fix it? will I get any reveiws? Will anyone join my medlink yahoo group at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/medlink/ ? Find out in the next exciting chapter of The legend of zelda: The wind Wanker!!! 


	14. The Final Battle! of earthbound

No own Zero-Wing (I'd kill myself if I did), Zelda, Earthbound, starfox, etc.  
  
join the medlink federation! http://Groups.yahoo.com/group/medlink/  
  
In Scaraba,  
  
Chapter 14, "The final Battle" is beggining.  
  
[a/n] the text is still screwed up from the last chap, but don't worry we will loose it soon.  
  
Medli: How we fix text?  
  
Link: Quiet! we stop talk.  
  
urza: Take off Every Mr. Saturn!  
  
Poo: What!!  
  
Urza: Mr. Saturn fix all!  
  
Medli: where Mr. Saturn?  
  
Urza: In Saturn Valley, Healing is beginning.  
  
(Teleport to Saturn Valley)  
  
Link: AAAAHHHH! heads legs!  
  
Poo: Someone set up them the deformaties.  
  
Urza: Mr saturn like this. all go there (points to small weird house)  
  
Mr. Saturn: Me Mr Saturn! Can repair your body! Want me to operate on you?  
  
Urza: Text mess up. Need repair.  
  
Mr. Saturn: Mesta Satarn Feeeex text! All fixed! Zoom!  
  
Link: are you sure?   
  
Medli: YAY! no more crap text!  
  
Link: COOl! It works!  
  
(outside)  
  
Poo: just what the heck are they working on?  
  
Link: Looks like some sort of metalic Statue!  
  
Urza: no. its a device I tried working on a long time ago...  
  
(Dr. Andonuts comes walking up to them)  
  
Dr. Andonuts: Giygas is attacking from the past Blah blah blah blah...  
  
Urza: hey wait a minute... I'm a planeswalker, so why not just warp to the past? Duh should have thought of that a long time ago. :(  
  
(they warp to that icky point in earthbound where you go to fight giygas.  
  
(Cave of the past, in the past)  
  
Link: ok what now?  
  
Medli: we fight giygas and go home.  
  
Rylasasin: thats Urza's line.  
  
Medli: woops.  
  
(they fight all the robots on the way there)  
  
(they make it to the place)  
  
Urza: No turning back now.  
  
(they come to a giant eyeball thats closed. Just as they are about to turn around, the place shakes as it opens, revealing link and medli in its eye. after the shaking stops, Tetra, yes, Tetra appears in a spider-mobile.   
  
Tetra: Hey ya supprised? Don't be. I help only the strong and able. if it means getting link than I'll have to help giygas. you won't beat giygas blah blah blah blah blah blah.  
  
Medli: Shut up we are sick of blah blahness.  
  
(Battle begins)  
  
Giygas and its Cohort attacks.  
  
Link Attacks!   
  
*dingding* (Screen- er world flashes)  
  
100 HP of damamge to link!  
  
Medli tries PSI shield Beta!  
  
Link's Body was protected by the psychic shield!  
  
Medli's body was protected by the psychic shield!  
  
Urza's Body was protected by the Psychic shield!  
  
Poo's Body was protected by the Psychic shield!  
  
Urza attacks!  
  
230 hp of damage to heavily armed tetra!  
  
Poo attacks!  
  
10 hp of damage to Heavily armed tetra!  
  
Giygas tries PSI Rockin Omega!  
  
Link's psychic shield made PSI rockin omega disappear!  
  
Medli's psychic shield made PSI rockin omega disappear!  
  
Urza's psychic shield made PSI rockin omega disappear!  
  
Poo's psychic shield made PSI rockin omega disappear!  
  
Heavily armed Tetra tore into you!  
  
100 Hp of damage to Medli!  
  
Link Attacks!  
  
SMMAAAAAAASH!!!  
  
430 HP of damage to Heavily armed Tetra!  
  
Tetra: I see your already claiming to be heros. Well, its a gazillion years too early for you to oppose giygas. you must be feeling rather stupid fighting him and not even knowing what he really looks like. If you were to ever see him, you'd be so scared you wouldn't be able to run away. thats how scary it is. do you want me to turn off the "devils machine"? very well. (flips a switch on spider bot.)   
  
(giant eyeball disappears, revealing one SCARY looking red skull dude.)  
  
Tetra: isn't this terrifying? I Terrified too. Giygas cannot think rationally anymore, and he's not even aware of what he's doing now. His massive power destroyed his mind. What an all-mighty idiot. yep thats what he is. to him you will be just another meal. don't worry linkkie poo, I'll fish ya out of him, but the rest of you won't be so lucky.  
  
(giygas battle round 2)  
  
(tetra is not there)  
  
"Link!"   
  
"I feel H-h-a-a-p-p-p-p-y-y..."  
  
You cannot grasp the true form of giygas's attack  
  
(its a lightning attack)  
  
90 hp of Damage to link!  
  
110 Hp of damage to medli!  
  
Link uses PSI lifeup Omega!  
  
Link's HP is maxed out!  
  
Medli's HP is maxed out!  
  
Urza's HP is maxed out!  
  
Poo's HP is maxed out!  
  
Medli tries PSI Lighting Omega!  
  
It didn't hit anyone!  
  
It didn't hit anyone!  
  
334 HP of damage to Giygas!  
  
267 HP of damage to Giygas!  
  
Urza uses the legacy weapon!  
  
1247 HP of damage to Giygas!  
  
"it hurts, Link."  
  
"Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link "  
  
You cannot grasp the true form of Giygas's attack...  
  
70 HP of damage to link!  
  
90 HP of damage to Medli!  
  
It did not work on Urza!  
  
Poo got Diamonized...  
  
Link attacks!  
  
110 HP of damage to Giygas!  
  
Medli attacks!  
  
70 HP of damage to Giygas!  
  
Urza used the legacy weapon!  
  
3243 HP of damage to Giygas!  
  
(tetra reapears)  
  
Heh heh heh... you must really be at the end of your rope.   
  
In this bizzare dimension, you are the only ones fighting for... aww damn what were we fighting for again?   
  
well...   
  
whatever.   
  
As I was saying... and here you stand, waiting to be burned up with the rest of the garbage of the universe...   
  
Haaaa!!!!  
  
thats so sad I can't help but shed a tear.  
  
you know, my heart is beating incredibly fast,  
  
... I must be experiencing apsolute terror!  
  
do you want to scream for help here in the dark medli?!  
  
Ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
Why not call your precious dragon dude medli...  
  
say "Valoo help me i'm so frightened! I think i'm gonna wet my dress!!"  
  
I know you have psychic powers or somthing, so just try to call for help, you pathetically weak heros of... whatever the hell it was you were fighting for.  
  
No one will help you now!  
  
Ha ha ha haah...  
  
Don't worry, your pitiful suffering will be over soon!  
  
(tetra once again disapears)  
  
(Giygas battle phase 3)  
  
"...Link!.."  
  
"...Not right, Not right!..."  
  
"...friends,"  
  
You cannot grasp the true form of Giygas's attack!  
  
500 HP of mortal Damage to link!  
  
It did not work on medli!  
  
Urza's Legacy Weapon was destroyed...  
  
Link got hurt and collapsed!  
  
Medli Prayed her full heart out!  
  
"Please! someone! If at all possible! grant us strengh!!!"  
  
(Scene of Valoo on top of his island)  
  
The great guardian dragon suddenly Felt a feeling he had not felt in a long time. he felt worried about what happened to his attendant and along with the rito tribe began to pray dilagently for the safety of medli and her friends.)  
  
(return to giygas battle)  
  
Giygas's Defenses became unstable!  
  
(Giygas is now split into multiple, smaller images)  
  
Urza Tried Lifeup Omega!  
  
Urza's HP is maxed out!  
  
Medli's HP is maxed out!  
  
"..Its not right... not right..."  
  
"... Link..."  
  
"...Link..."  
  
You cannot grasp the true form of Giygas's attack...  
  
It did not work on medli!  
  
It did not work on Urza!  
  
Medli prayed some more!  
  
"Someone! can you hear me? Speed this prayer to all the people on the great sea!!"  
  
(Yet another scene... this time, its the king of red Arwings)  
  
The king of red Arwings wondered what took the pair so long to get out of the cave. he, er, it, er he, er IT prayed for the them..."  
  
(End prayer scene)  
  
342 damage to Giygas!  
  
"...g.o..b.a.c.k..."  
  
"Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link Link "  
  
You cannot grasp the true form of Giygas's attack...  
  
Medli could not stop crying!  
  
it did not work on urza!  
  
Medli prayed again!  
  
(Forsaken Fortess)  
  
(Aryll In prison cell)  
  
"Aryll had a change of heart. she suddenly started worrying about her brother and prayed for him..."  
  
724 Hp of damage to Giygas!  
  
Urza tried PSI healing omega!  
  
it didn't work...  
  
"...Tetra..."  
  
"...Dumb.."  
  
"..Not right... Not right..."  
  
you cannot grasp the true form of Giygas's attack!  
  
90 HP of damage to medli!  
  
10 HP of damage to Urza!  
  
Medli prayed!  
  
(Link grandmother's house...)  
  
"As link's grandmother sat there, she woke up from a strange dream in which Link died. she prayed viagently for a safe return..."  
  
1034 HP of damage to Giygas!  
  
Urza tried PSI healing omega!  
  
Link was revived!  
  
"...Med...Link..."  
  
"I...feel...good..."  
  
"...Friends...."  
  
You cannot grasp the true form of Giygas's attack!  
  
Link got hurt and colapsed...  
  
It did not work on medli...  
  
Urza got hurt and collapsed...  
  
Medli prayed...  
  
"someone! I... I cant think of anyone else! anyone out there?!?!"  
  
(The call was absorbed by the darkness)  
  
"...Tetra..."  
  
"...Die..."  
  
"...Med...Link..."  
  
You cannot grasp the true form of Giygas's attack!  
  
Medli felt a little strange....  
  
Medli prayed her full heart out!  
  
"Someone, anyone who can hear this! Help me!"  
  
(the call reached a someone...)  
  
--l--a--n started praying...  
  
1568 HP of damage to Giygas!  
  
-y--s--i- kept praying...  
  
3412 Hp of damage to Giygas!  
  
R-l-a-a-i- kept praying...  
  
8330 HP of damage to Giygas!  
  
Rylasasin kept praying..  
  
34234 HP of damage to Giygas!  
  
(giygas makes some weird noises, then more weird noise comes... and tetra appears again)  
  
Tetra: Medli! I... well... its going to seem like i'm running away, but perhaps i'll just sneak on home to think about my next plan. It's a good bet we'll see each other again... Alright! I'll be seeing you! So now which one of us do you think will get the guy?!  
  
(tetra disappears)  
  
(cave shakes)  
  
(link and urza revive suddenly, but just after they do, the entire cave collapses...)  
  
The war against Giygas is over...  
  
Did Link, Urza, Medli, and the Diamonized poo get crushed in the cave? and Where did tetra go? no people, this is NOT the end of the story. far from it. its just the end of the earthbound sub-plot. find out next chapter!!!  
  
I know your Probably sick of seeing this, but  
  
JOIN MY YAHOO GROUP!!!  
  
http://Groups.yahoo.com/group/medlink/  
  
untill I can get at least one artist or someone who knows where a good MedlixLink (preferably non-hentai) picture is, I'll just have to annoy you with this. sorry people but I got no choice... 


	15. Technical differculties tetra's secret t...

I own nothing.  
  
The Wind Wanker: Chapter 15  
  
Technical Differculties  
  
Icky writer's block...   
  
ok first for the news: I'm glad to reveal that the medlink federation has in fact passed the 10 members total mark, but still kinda dry on images. if ya see any medli x link images, I kno your sick of seeing this, but...  
  
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/medlink/  
  
there, now that that's out of the way... let us start out story....  
  
Fucked Up Fortress  
  
(A/N) this part takes place while the crew of four is in scaraba,  
  
*we see a cell with a pile of bones on the floor*  
  
Rylasasin: What the hell? ok, who's been eating Ayrll, Maggie, and Milo for the UMPTEENTH TIME?!  
  
Random Moblin: *BUUUUURRRRPPP!!!*  
  
Rylasasin: *Groan...*  
  
(We are experiancing technical Differculties. Please do NOT stand by. you are instead advised to loot, panic, flame, and cause as much distruction as possible.)  
  
Random Moblin: HELP ME HELP ME!!!! (Gets killed by somthing breathing fire.)  
  
(after we look at the cage we see... Rorix Bladewing?!)  
  
Rylasasin: CUT!!!  
  
(We are experiancing technical Differculties. Please flood a msg board.)  
  
*moblin is in the cell,   
  
Random Moblin: LET ME OUT!!!!  
  
Aryll: yay! freedom!  
  
Rylasasin: awww no you don't!  
  
(Alert: this virus is not compatable with wind wanker 95...)  
  
*aryll and others are in the cage like they are supposed to be*  
  
Rylasasin: ok now thats fixed now back to the original pl- Aryll, what the fuck is wrong with you?!  
  
Aryll: beer... sweat, frosty beer... MUST... HAVE... BEER!!!  
  
Rylasasin: What beer?!  
  
Aryll: THAT beer!!! (points to outside of cage)  
  
(there is a giant can of beer on top of the random moblin...)  
  
Moblin: Please kill me...  
  
Rylasasin: -_-* God dammit!!!  
  
(Batteries not included)  
  
Aryll: ok how do we esca- GIRLS?!  
  
Ed (From Ed Edd and Eddy): *Flaps his arms like a bird* Oink Oink Oink I am a Lizard!!  
  
(fgjhr453^@#$Tgdft35^DFg$%6DFGh67rtfhfgYH^%&FHjTY78^%HGu&^*Ghjyu8^ky89yJG$%45$F#)  
  
[A/N: If you want to know what the hell that meant... it's robot-language for "This is starting to tick me off"]  
  
*Medli tugs   
  
Rylasasin: WHAT?! STOP! THEY AREN'T SUPPOSED TO SEE THIS YET!!!!  
  
at link's pants  
  
Rylasasin: QUICK CUT THE FEED!!!   
  
while keeping   
  
guy: WE CAN'T!!  
  
Rylasasin: WADDA MEAN YA CAN'T!!!  
  
Guy: We aren't getting paid enough for- OH SHIT!!! RUN!!! HE'S GOT A GRENADE LAUNCHER!!!  
  
thier lips loc-*  
  
*world goes black*  
  
*rylasasin appears while holding a smoking Grenade launcher*  
  
Rylasasin: heh heh heh... you didn't see anything, right? ok... hang on... ok got it... I give you: chapter 15: the escape!!!  
  
Fucked up fortress  
  
Ayrll: hey maybe if i pick these locks we can go free or somthing?!  
  
Milo: Whatever.  
  
Maggie: well what the hell its better than staying here.  
  
Aryll: *picks locks*  
  
*the next day*  
  
Aryll: I just about got it!!! *continues to pick lock*  
  
*the next week*  
  
Aryll: ok just a little more... *picks lock some more*  
  
*after the gygias battle (which is like a month later)*  
  
Aryll: ok just a bit further...   
  
Milo: geez island girl get a clue already...  
  
Aryll: SHUT UP CITY FREAK!!! MUST... *Rams head into cell door* GET... *Rams head into cell door again* OUT!!! EEAAARRRRGH!!! *Smashes head on Cell door and the cell door breaks* Geez if it was THAT easy I should have done that Months ago!!!  
  
Milo: Whatever.   
  
*They run out*  
  
Guard: Going someplace?  
  
Aryll: uhh... nooooooo.....  
  
Guard: good. otherwise I would have to kill myself.  
  
Aryll: and whys that?  
  
Guard: Because the author wants to keep this story random.  
  
Aryll: well, WE ARE!! WE're esaping!!! HAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Guard: damn... *kills self*  
  
Aryll: Why the hell didn't he just throw us back in the cell?  
  
Guard: should have thought of that....  
  
Maggie: WHAT THE FUCK?! your DEAD!!!  
  
Guard: huh? oh yeah. *dies again*  
  
Aryll: faggot.  
  
Maggie: uhh hey shouldn't we do somthing about his coarpse?  
  
Aryll: yeah... we'll find a place to dump the damn thing so no one else notices.  
  
Milo: Whatever.  
  
*after 3 hours of pointless wandering... they end up in the wind temple in a sand place. how they get there...*  
  
Maggie: We took a plothole in sector twelve.  
  
Milo: Whatever.  
  
Aryll: ok dudes listen up... we REALLY need to hide this frikkin' dead body!  
  
Milo: I think we should too, but... where?  
  
Maggie: UH GUYS I"M STUCK!!!  
  
Milo: in what?!  
  
Maggie: QUICKSAND!!! HEAAALLP!!!  
  
Milo: Gaw... Quicksand? How can you tell?  
  
Maggie: because the little grains of sand move faster. HELP!!  
  
Milo: What?! umm... try pressing jump a whole lot!  
  
Maggie: But I can't jump! Theres no jump in zelda!  
  
Milo: just do it idiot!  
  
Maggie: *bounce* *bounce* *bounce* (flys out of Quicksand pit) Oh god it worked! Wew! Aryll, after a near death experiance... theres somthing i need to tell ya...  
  
Aryll: What?!  
  
Maggie: I'm the one who ate the last slice of pizza...  
  
(Aryll looks shocked, then punches maggie and she flys back into the quicksand pit)  
  
Maggie: Ahhh! Quicksand! HEAAALP!!!!  
  
Milo: Whatever.  
  
(thirty minutes later)  
  
(Maggie is back out of pit, and dead body is still there...)  
  
Ayrll: once again we open up trying to find a place to hide the god damn body.  
  
Aryll: yano, i'm getting so sick of it I say we just let the damn thing rot.  
  
Milo: Whatever.  
  
Maggie: ya sure why not... As if there's anything interesting out here.  
  
(meanwhile)  
  
*link and medli are making out*  
  
Rylasasin: Woops wrong scene.  
  
(Meanwhile (again)  
  
Tetra: god people just what the fuck is with me dying all the time?! I mean people you know I"M the one who is supposed to get link... not medli. I mean come on everyone else does it. (Giant shadow begins to form around tetra) and just look at the ending of wind waker. come on (Giant shadow grows bigger and darker) blah blah blah species barrier blah blah-  
  
(Suddenly a Giant 100 ton Daishi Assault Mech from Mechwarrior 4 falls from the sky and sends tetra splattering in all directions)  
  
??? (in the mech): Shut up already!!!  
  
(Komali flies in)  
  
Komali: she's right though. GIVE ME MEDLI GIVE ME MEDLI GIVE ME MEDLI GIVE ME MEDLI GIVE ME MEDLI GIVE ME MEDLI GIVE ME MEDLI GIVE ME MEDLI GIVE ME MEDLI GIVE ME MEDLI GIVE ME ME-  
  
Rylasasin: shut up.  
  
Komali: GIVE ME MEDLI GIVE ME MEDLI-  
  
???: Requesting permission to shut up squacking rooster boy...  
  
Rylasasin: Granted. Wipe him out omega lead... ALL of him!!!  
  
"Omega Lead": ^_^  
  
Komali: GIVE ME- crap...  
  
("Omega Lead" Shoots at Komali with a LRM10 salvo)  
  
Komali *Jumps to the sides and avoids them* haha sucker... now, GIVE ME MEDLI GIVE ME MEDLI GI-  
  
"Omega Lead": HOWS THIS?!  
  
("Omega Lead" Shoots an Extended range Large Laser at Komali, and it hits!!!)  
  
Komali: Owwie... that... hurt.. I hate stomach Achs  
  
"Omega Lead":hurt? HURT?! the most powerful weapon on this mech, and all it does is make you get a FUCKING STOMACH ACHE?! WHAT DID I DO WRONG?! oh duh!  
  
("Omega Lead" fires all his weapons all at once and pounds him with Extended range lasers, Pulse Lasers, Ultra autocannons, and the LRM10 Salvo and komali is... STILL ALIVE?!)  
  
"Omega Lead": WHAT THE FUCK?!  
  
Rylasasin: hey dont look at me I didn't make him.  
  
"Omega Lead": god how the hell do I kill this guy?!  
  
Rylasasin: I donno try squishing him idiot.  
  
"Omega Lead":well I guess thats one thing I haven't tried yet.  
  
("Omega Lead" walks on top of komali, and he spatters all over. but just as the mech began to move, tetra (or whats left of her) begins to turn liquid and becomes... Hairgel?! yes, tetra is a Hairgel warrior, you know like the Liquid metal cop in Terminator 2? only she's made from hairgel instead of Liquid metal. anyway the hairgel begins to reconnect with each other chunk of hairgel)  
  
"Omega Lead": well that was fun... now when do I get paid?  
  
Rylasasin: in 200X.  
  
"Omega Lead": Fuck you. I WANT PAY!!  
  
Rylasasin: Dressari, just go back to your fucking game where you belong.  
  
Ian Dressari (aka omega lead): NO! I WANT PAY!!!  
  
Rylasasin: don't make me take the leg off that daishi  
  
Ian Dressari: like that'll happen. it'll take more than a leaderless author to take this mech's leg  
  
(suddenly the Daishi's leg disapears like magic)  
  
Ian Dressari: AH HELP MY MECHS FALLING!!!  
  
(tetra is completely reformed now)  
  
Tetra: rylasasin you sick person... you have any idea how that stings?! and another thing... why the hell wasn't I refered to as hot as in all the other spo- (looks up to see Ian Dressari's Daishi falling in her direction) O_O AAH!!! not again!!!!  
  
*Splat*   
  
(medli and link, Urza, and poo suddenly appear out of a portal)  
  
Link: uh... dude....  
  
Medli: No way am I cleaning up this mess... (gives rylasasin a mop and a bucket of water)  
  
Rylasasin: *grumble grumble*  
  
-------------------------------------  
  
Rylasasin: well it looks like a new record in the "lets see how may times we can kill tetra" contest: 2 kills-  
  
Tetra: DIE RYLASASIN!!! *leaps at rylasasin*  
  
*rylasasin shoots a lightning bolt at tetra frying her to a crisp.*  
  
better make that three. THREE kills in one scene.   
  
Now we know why tetra keeps coming back, and how the hell she keeps that crappy spiral hairdo in place when normally there is not one bottle of hairgel in the entire game: she IS hairgel...  
  
oh and don't worry, komali isn't dead either. and... is that his true desire, or did someone just pay him to spam like that?! find out next time on Wind Wanker!!!  
  
Almost forgot... visit this place: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/medlink/  
  
ok this is the real ending of this chapter... no I'm serious... the chapter ends here... come on stop reading this. thechapterendsheresoquitreadingthisandifyouarecontinuingtoreadthisyouhavenolifeatallanditslamerslikeyouthatstartpointlessmalinkvszelinkflamewarsetcetcsostopreadingthiscrapoknow... STOP READING!!!! 


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